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From: purtell@reed.UUCP (Lady Godiva)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: more about hugs
Message-ID: <1878@reed.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 7-Sep-85 14:57:16 EDT
Article-I.D.: reed.1878
Posted: Sat Sep  7 14:57:16 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 10-Sep-85 03:27:08 EDT
References: <3539@amdcad.UUCP>
Reply-To: purtell@reed.UUCP (Lady Godiva)
Organization: Reed College, Portland, Oregon
Lines: 39

In article <3539@amdcad.UUCP> phil@amdcad.UUCP (Phil Ngai) writes:
>I like hugs when exchanged with the right people. What I want advice
>on is what to do when in a group of people and they all start hugging
>each other. I want to be part of the spirit of the thing but there's
>usually a few people I am not overjoyed at the idea of hugging. It's
>not that there is necessarily anything wrong with them, I just don't
>feel that close to them at that time. Maybe I don't know them or maybe
>they're just not my kind of people. But if you single someone out
>and refuse to hug them it's very awkward. So I usually just hug everyone
>and feel fake. Does anyone have better ways to deal with this?

	I know exactly how you feel. It depends on the situation. If it's
just some isolated or very infrequent situation I would go ahead and hug
the person. You may feel a bit like a fake, but at least you're not
hurting anyone's feelings. I was in a church in France once where the
custom was for all the women to kiss each other upon greeting - once on
each cheek. Although I think this would be a nice custom to do with
people that you know and like (I have two Italian friends whom I do this
with) I felt awkward with these people whom I didn't know at all. But it
was their custom, and since it was an isolated incident, I went along
with it rather than offending. I also give hugs occasionally to people
whom I would rather not hug in my own church because it's common in my
church for us to hug each other (common - but not necessarily terribly
frequent) and I in particular am fairly affectionate.
	If, however, you are frequently in a group of people who start
hugging, and there is someone(s) in the group whom you don't want to
hug, then I would probably tell them privately that you would rather
not. It can start to really get to you if you have to hug someone whom
you would rather not very frequently. Tell them why you feel
uncomfortable about it and see if something can't be done about it. Of
course, I realise that this takes a lot of chutzpa, but I think that you
may find that it's worth it. And if done right, it hopefully won't hurt
anyone too badly.

	cheers -

	elizabeth g. purtell

	(Lady Godiva)