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Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!genrad!panda!talcott!harvard!seismo!rochester!dsn
From: dsn@rochester.UUCP (Dana S. Nau)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: net.personals and long-distance relationships
Message-ID: <11507@rochester.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 10-Sep-85 00:28:06 EDT
Article-I.D.: rocheste.11507
Posted: Tue Sep 10 00:28:06 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 12-Sep-85 21:08:02 EDT
References: <39@csi> <2279@sdcrdcf.UUCP> <1531@peora.UUCP> <199@kepler.UUCP> <3187@nsc.UUCP> <1742@hao.UUCP>
Reply-To: dsn@rochester.UUCP (Dana S. Nau)
Organization: U. of Rochester, CS Dept.
Lines: 27

In article <1742@hao.UUCP> woods@hao.UUCP (Greg Woods) writes:
>
>  I agree with Chuq. It might make sense to have a regional personals
>group, but I think encouraging the formation of LDR's is probably a *bad*
>idea.

I agree.

A few years ago, I was in a long distance relationship for the better part
of two years.  We lived about 300 miles apart, and saw each other about once
a month (we ran up HUGE phone bills the rest of the time!).  Being apart
was painful:  we tended to pine for each other, and to fantasize about what
it might be like if we were living in the same place--without knowing what
it really would be like.  Seeing each other was always a big deal:  we would
be very passionate, and it would seem very important to make the weekend "go
right".  We had no opportunity to see how we might interact with each other
in situations that weren't "special" in one way or another.

When we finally broke up, it was very painful for both of us.  Although the
breakup was precipitated by some personal crises, I think there were two
main underlying reasons for it.  One was that the distance had prevented us
from getting to know each other well enough to commit to a permanent
relationship.  The other reason was that we wanted different things out of
life.  She wanted children and I didn't; she wanted to live in a small town
and I wanted to live in a city.  Such differences had been there all
along--but without seeing each other every day, it had been too easy for
each of us to pretend that they weren't that big a deal.