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From: jcp@osiris.UUCP (Jody Patilla)
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: Gender expectations
Message-ID: <509@osiris.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 1-Sep-85 19:45:15 EDT
Article-I.D.: osiris.509
Posted: Sun Sep  1 19:45:15 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 3-Sep-85 01:33:30 EDT
Distribution: net
Organization: Johns Hopkins Hospital
Lines: 56


	This problem of what is masculine and what is feminine, and
people's expectations of such, combined with the discussion of
aggressiveness in women, has given me cause for thought. Most of my
life I've been told, directly or indirectly, that I did not meet with
other's expections of how females should properly behave. I have heard
that I am too aggressive, that I get angry instead of breaking into tears,
that I am too outspoken, too self-assured and too loud. One asshole even
had the nerve to suggest that I was androgenised as a fetus and that
made me "more like a man". Well, I think it's all alot of hogwash, and before
you get the idea that I look like a Russian female shot putter, let me
assure that I am 5'9" with an hourglass figure, I wear dresses, heels and
makeup and no one ever accused me of *looking* like a man. Just acting 
like one, as if that were my problem and not theirs. They don't mean rude
or unmannerly, either, but simply "masculine". And many of the same men who
have made comments to that effect have also tried to get me into bed, so
obviously their "standards" don't always apply.
	Conversely, I've been shunned by some of those women who seem to
think that feminine equates with prissy, manipulative, deceitful and 
backbiting. I get the feeling that because I say what I think, I therefore
"don't play fair". :-)  I often think, though, that if I were a man, I'd
be seen as having lots of "drive", being a real "go-getter", a "no-bullshit"
kinda guy. I have never ever wanted to change my biological sex, however -
I suit me just fine, it's everyone else's attitudes that should change !
	In short, the whole thing is ridiculous. You would think that an
ideal individual would combine the best traits of both sexes, but societal
expectations will have to change radically first, I think. A good fictional
example of what I would view as an ideal can be found in the Vonda MacIntyre
story "Looking for Satan", which is in the third book of the Thieve's
World series. I'd be interested in what other people think, both in what
they see around them, and in examining their own behavior.
	In some of Sunny Kirsten's recent postings, she makes it sound
as though men are responsible for all the violence, hate and aggression
in the world, and I'm afraid it just ain't so. It is true that some men
are more violent than some women, but to imply a black-and-white dichotomy
is to ignore the enormous variance between individuals. When the occasion
arises, women seem to be just as capable of aggression, hatred, bigotry
and jingoism as men. And the majority of men are reasonably peaceful,
housebroken people. The big exceptions seem to be among men who never seem
to have grown up (like a small handful we all know and love on the net),
the ones for whom all of life is cowboys and Indians.
	I don't buy arguments about the Big Difference(s) between men and
women, since for one thing it divides humans into classes, and puts people
into perceived ghettos. This is not the end we want to achieve. What we
really want is to take each individual on that person's merits, good or
bad, and work towards a non-sexist, non-racist society.
	In my family, I'm the aggressive one, the ambitious, stubborn
systems analyst; my brother is a sensitive, peaceful, friendly artist.
This suits us fine and our parents are very pleased with simply having
well-adjusted, productive children. We're very glad they didn't try to
force any notions on us of how we were expected to behave, and that's as
it should be, don't you think ?
-- 
jcpatilla

"The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch."