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From: jcp@osiris.UUCP (Jody Patilla)
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: Good ol' Mom
Message-ID: <520@osiris.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 6-Sep-85 21:52:24 EDT
Article-I.D.: osiris.520
Posted: Fri Sep  6 21:52:24 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 12-Sep-85 08:24:08 EDT
Distribution: net
Organization: Johns Hopkins Hospital
Lines: 48


	I've been reading a collection of essays by historian Carroll
Smith-Rosenberg called "Disorderly Conduct", about women's history in
Victorian America. One essay in particular deals with the intimacy among
women that was prevalent 150 years ago. It was not uncommon for women to
become close friends as girls and remain very close for the rest of their
lives, even after marriage and long-term physical separation. Women also
maintained close relationships with women of older or younger generations,
including their mothers. She quotes from letters in which older and younger
women and mothers and daughters enjoy a closeness and emotional intimacy
that is not often seen now between generations of women, and especially between
mothers and daughters. This leads me to suggest a new topic for discussion -
what are the mother-daughter (and mother-son) relationships like for the
folks in the news group ?
	My relations with my own mother are wonderful. I wish she lived
next door. In fact, I hope some day to have lots of money and a big house
so she can come to live with us (my husband agrees whole-heartedly, honest-
he thinks she's wonderful too). But then, my mom is nuts. She met my dad
when BOTH of them were in the Marines. 30 years ago, she dated Stan Kenton's
band manager. She picks snakes up out of the garden with her bare hands
and lectures them for preying on her pet toads. (I am NOT making this up)
Anything I've ever wanted to do has been fine with her - she's very supportive
and non-judgemental. (mostly since *I* have to keep *her* out of trouble!)
She hugs on anything that holds still for 2 seconds, and we often hold hands
in public. I could go on and on but you get the idea. People who think I'm
rather odd meet my mom and then it all becomes clear.
	My mother-in-law, on the other hand, closely resembles a prickly
pear cactus. She truly means well, and she likes me and treats me as best
she can but she is not an affectionate person at all. She doesn't like
babies or animals (strange, since she had 6 kids). She complains all the
time, is extremely dour and does not put forth with the approval and praise.
None of her children feels close to her at all, and they all have hang-ups
about their family and their self-images.
	The contrast here shows how important these relationships can be.
How would you categorise your relationship with your mother ? How has she
affected your self-image ? Your relations with other women and with men
(vice-versa if you're a guy) ? If you are a mother now or plan to be, do
you want to be like or different from your own mother ? How has your mother
affected your view of yourself as a woman ? Do you agree or disagree with
your mother on women's issues ?
	I'd like to see what people think about this, since it is something
that affects women, and men's relationships with women and everyone ought
to have something to say about it (if you don't then maybe it's time for
some introspection!).
-- 
jcpatilla

"At night, the ice weasels come."