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From: reh@aplvax.UUCP (Ron E. Hall)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Nominally single????
Message-ID: <158@aplvax.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 25-Sep-85 09:34:58 EDT
Article-I.D.: aplvax.158
Posted: Wed Sep 25 09:34:58 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 28-Sep-85 08:27:20 EDT
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Organization: JHU/Applied Physics Lab, Laurel, MD
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> > 	Single:  unmarried (currently unmarried, I suppose, as the term
> > divorcee is now archaic)
> > 
> > 	nominally Single:  unmarried but enjoying a close relationship with
> > an SO (possibly living together but with at least two abodes)
> >                Hunter Scales
> 
> 	Oh my - well, I'm enjoying a close relationship with an SO, but we 
> only see each other about twice a week, spend only about one night a
> week together, and we are free to date other people although we very
> rarely do. So where does that place me? Does having an SO make me
> nominally Single? And if so - wouldn't it be a disgrace for the person
> who started this whole issue about living alone to only be "nominally
> Single" and not *truely* single? Or do I not spend enough time with my
> SO to qualify for "nominally Single"? If not, but if I can't be truely
> Single (having an SO and all) then maybe there could be a whole new
> type of Single for me. Pseudo-Single (sp?) maybe?
> 			(Lady Godiva)

	I don't know about categories like single and nominally single,
but it does seem to me that there is a division on the net between 
people who are currently single but looking for a long-term relationship
and others who are single and not looking. The first group is single
mostly by circumstance (broke up, moved away, term ended, not ready yet,
etc.) but intend to marry or settle down with someone as part of their 
life-plan.  The second group is single by choice and their life-plan doesn't
include a permanent live-in spouse or SO. The first group is concerned 
(among other things) with meeting as many candidates as possible and 
selecting one at an appropriate time for ever-and-evering with. 
The second group is interested in meeting people to share activities
and interests with, including long-term friendships/love relationships,
but really do not want to live with or be entirely accountable to 
someone else. The first group is mainly younger and less settled in
terms of jobs and roots than the second, but which group you belong
to is largely a matter of temperament and background. Most people begin
in the first group (because the expectation in this society is that
everyone will marry) and as they become older and more experienced
in relationships and more acquainted with their wants and needs,
move toward the seccond group. At this point, they would marry or SO
with the right person but they are no longer devoting a  significant
portion of their time and energy in looking. At some later time,
usually 40 plus, they either discover that they want to have someone
and start a traditional relationship or that they are emotionally
self-sufficient, like their life the way it is, and begin to shape
their future in terms of remaining single. If you want to call the first 
group nominally single and the second group single, OK, but I don't
think it's a very useful distinction. I know there are lots of
people out there in netland in the first group (from the number of
how do you meet and what is commitment articles posted) but I wonder 
how many there are in the second group and if they are as intolerant 
and self-indulgent as they have been made out to be. Comments?


					Ron Hall
					JHU/APL
				...decvax!harpo!seismo!umcp-cs!aplvax!reh
				...rlgvax!cvl!umcp-cs!aplvax!reh
-- 

					Ron Hall
					JHU/APL
				...decvax!harpo!seismo!umcp-cs!aplvax!reh
				...rlgvax!cvl!umcp-cs!aplvax!reh


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