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Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!mcnc!rti-sel!wfi
From: wfi@rti-sel.UUCP (William Ingogly)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Nominally single????
Message-ID: <450@rti-sel.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 31-Dec-69 18:59:59 EDT
Article-I.D.: rti-sel.450
Posted: Wed Dec 31 18:59:59 1969
Date-Received: Wed, 9-Oct-85 03:37:51 EDT
References: <285@whuts.UUCP> <533@oakhill.UUCP> <286@whuts.UUCP> <1919@reed.UUCP> <158@aplvax.UUCP> <431@rti-sel.UUCP> <3072@ut-sally.UUCP> <1538@hammer.UUCP>
Reply-To: wfi@rti-sel.UUCP (William Ingogly)
Distribution: net
Organization: Research Triangle Institute, NC
Lines: 47
Summary: 

In article <1538@hammer.UUCP> tekecs!doghouse.TEK!snoopy writes:

>>... Once you
>>learn not to need anyone else, how do you learn to let them in
>>again?
>
>Let's turn that around: Once you learn *to* need someone else,
>how do you learn to be happy alone?

Obsessive longing for a shattered relationship and the feeling that
life has lost its savor without that special person are not signs of a
healthy mental state, folks. After a mourning period one gets on with
one's life. You might ask yourself WHY you fear the single state and
are unhappy spending time with yourself. Because that's what the verb
'need' implies in this context: a feeling that you MUST have a
relationship for life to be meaningful. There are several possibilities
(note that 'you' is not a reference to any poster in this exchange):

  1. You find the process of attending to your own mental processes
     is unpleasant. This is alleviated by carrying on a constant
     dialogue with your lover when you're together. This may indicate
     a fear that you're really not a very interesting or nice person.

  2. You've come to depend totally on your lover for support in
     some area of your life. This is an abdication of responsibility.

  3. You use your relationship to gain respectability or acceptance
     in your social circle. This is insecurity, plain and simple.

  4. You're so used to having a good time with another person that
     you've forgotten how to enjoy experiences for their own sake.
     This is a form of addiction.

I can't come up with a single indication that the feeling of necessity
you're talking about is either healthy or desirable. Can you?
 
>>>There's nothing magical about sex OR love.	{ William }
>>
>>Yow!  can you say "cynicism"?		{ Pooh }
>
>"cynicism"
>
>Can you say "William isn't doing it right"?

Don't bet on it.

                           -- Cheers, Bill Ingogly