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Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!rlgvax!trwrdc!frith
From: frith@trwrdc.UUCP (Lord Frith)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Nominally single????
Message-ID: <1063@trwrdc.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 9-Oct-85 10:00:52 EDT
Article-I.D.: trwrdc.1063
Posted: Wed Oct  9 10:00:52 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 13-Oct-85 03:27:19 EDT
References: <285@whuts.UUCP> <533@oakhill.UUCP> <286@whuts.UUCP>
Reply-To: frith@trwrdc.UUCP (Lord Frith)
Distribution: net
Organization: TRW Advanced Technology Facility, Merrifield VA.
Lines: 55

In article <450@rti-sel.UUCP> wfi@rti-sel.UUCP (William Ingogly) writes:
>>
>> Let's turn that around: Once you learn *to* need someone else,
>> how do you learn to be happy alone?
>
> Obsessive longing for a shattered relationship and the feeling that
> life has lost its savor without that special person are not signs of a
> healthy mental state, folks. After a mourning period one gets on with
> one's life. You might ask yourself WHY you fear the single state and
> are unhappy spending time with yourself.

Now WAIT a minute!  Loss of one's love is NOT the same as fearing the single
state!  Also, this recognition that "life has lost its savor" is a perfectly
healthy thing.  Better to recognize it and come to grips with these feelings
than to supress them.  You might say, "well yes but OBSESSIVE depression or
longing for a shattered relationship is unhealthy."  I would agree only
if these feelings led to self-destructive behavior.  A melancholic state,
CAN be a healthy and meaningful thing.

> Because that's what the verb 'need' implies in this context: a feeling
> that you MUST have a relationship for life to be meaningful.

Wrong wrong wrong.  This feeling of loss indicates the need for this one
person and NOT the absence of a relationship in general.  Your viewpoint
sounds much like the style of pysch that says  "You need X because you
fear Y."

>   1. You find the process of attending to your own mental processes
>      is unpleasant. This is alleviated by carrying on a constant
>      dialogue with your lover when you're together. This may indicate
>      a fear that you're really not a very interesting or nice person.
> 
>   2. You've come to depend totally on your lover for support in
>      some area of your life. This is an abdication of responsibility.
> 
>   3. You use your relationship to gain respectability or acceptance
>      in your social circle. This is insecurity, plain and simple.
> 
>   4. You're so used to having a good time with another person that
>      you've forgotten how to enjoy experiences for their own sake.
>      This is a form of addiction.
> 
> I can't come up with a single indication that the feeling of necessity
> you're talking about is either healthy or desirable. Can you?

All negativsms.  Item 4 is quite valid though.  After all..... love IS
a dangerous drug.
-- 

seismo!trwrdc!root				- Lord Frith

"And I want you"
"And I want you"
"And I want you so"
"It's an obsession"