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From: jon@boulder.UUCP (Jonathan Corbet)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Nominally single???? (Need of another)
Message-ID: <410@boulder.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 11-Oct-85 20:35:52 EDT
Article-I.D.: boulder.410
Posted: Fri Oct 11 20:35:52 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 15-Oct-85 20:12:51 EDT
References: <285@whuts.UUCP> <533@oakhill.UUCP> <286@whuts.UUCP>
Reply-To: jon@boulder.UUCP (Jon Corbet)
Distribution: net
Organization: National Center for Atmospheric Research
Lines: 42
Summary: 

William Ingogly:
>I can't come up with a single indication that the feeling of necessity
>you're talking about is either healthy or desirable. Can you?

	I continue to find this an interesting question.  Let's take the notion
that life is entirely enjoyable on its own, that one does not need an SO to
enjoy life to its fullest.  The question then arises....

		Why *bother* with other people?

	If, on the other hand, one admits the notion that the presence of
another person can bring an additional joy to one's life, that said person
can smooth out the low points in life, then it seems to me that one admits in
some form the idea that another person is needed, if life is to be fully
enjoyed.

>Obsessive longing for a shattered relationship and the feeling that
>life has lost its savor without that special person are not signs of a
>healthy mental state, folks.

	To me, this implies a certain degree of detachment from the person
with whom one is supposed to be in love.  One who is reasonably secure in
one's self can maintain a certain emotional distance from one's lovers; then
one does not feel so devastated if the relationship fails.  This is
something I am having to do now (despite lingering doubts about how secure
I really am...).  Maybe you have learned something I haven't; I know of no
way to do this and still love as deeply.
	My experience has been that there is a height of joy in life that I
have only felt through the love of another.  I live for that sort of joy.
I don't *need* another to be happy with life, but, so far, I do to feel
*that* happy.  The sudden departure of the source of that kind of happiness
can make life look very bleak, for a while.

>After a mourning period one gets on with one's life. 

	No disagreement here.

jon
-- 
Jonathan Corbet
National Center for Atmospheric Research, Field Observing Facility
{seismo|hplabs}!hao!boulder!jon		(Thanks to CU CS department)