Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.3 alpha 4/15/85; site sdchema.sdchema.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!ittatc!dcdwest!sdcsvax!sdcc3!sdchema!mmf From: mmf@sdchema.UUCP (Marsha Fanshier) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: Nominally single???? Message-ID: <463@sdchema.sdchema.UUCP> Date: Tue, 15-Oct-85 17:49:05 EDT Article-I.D.: sdchema.463 Posted: Tue Oct 15 17:49:05 1985 Date-Received: Thu, 17-Oct-85 08:19:00 EDT References: <285@whuts.UUCP> <3850028@csd2.UUCP> <320@whuts.UUCP> Reply-To: mmf@sdchema.UUCP (Marsha Fanshier) Organization: Chemistry Dept, UC San Diego Lines: 69 >> My feelings are that it's a bit much to expect my SO to give me a >> regular dose of magic. I'll settle for someone who'll be a good >> friend to me, and who is also willing to settle for someone who'll >> be a good friend to her. We can then try to make each other happy >> for whatever time we have on this earth until we kick the bucket. >> (I imagine this all sounds pretty dull to y'all). >> >> Isaac Dimitrovsky >Hey! There is at least two of us on the same wavelength! Now if we >can just find a couple of women who are also in tune we will be set. >I don't know why, but women seem to go in more heavily for the idea >that every day should include a romantic, candle-lit dinner, and >that everyone lives happily ever after. The reality is that we both >come home from work, more often than not, grumpy as hell, >tired, and worn out. Ain't much left for huggly-snuggly and >dreamy-eyes. > >Andy Cohill {allegra|ihnp4}houxm!whuxl!whuts!amc Obviously, I'm not the woman either of you have in mind since I disagree with you both. Although I agree that friendship is an important factor in a relationship, I wouldn't underestimate the value of "magic". Most of us have more friends than SOs. I like to think that there are several people in this world who are friends of mine and many of those people are men. I'm the old-fashioned type and have had one and only one SO for many years now. If he had the same status as my other friends I really doubt that we would have been together for as long as we have. Sure, we both work, we both come home tired and grumpy and many days we're lucky if we eat dinner at all, let alone a candle-lit one. But every now and then a candle-lit dinner is a great way to get passed feeling tired and grumpy and to remember that there is something more to life than work and hard realities. In other words, a little romance can go a long way. There must be 50 ways to find a little romance. A candle-lit dinner, a walk together on the beach, snuggling up in a sleeping-bag under the stars... I think that a case could even be made that the pursuit of romance is more important that how you seek it. We are all of us different and we all have different ideas of what is romantic but the pursuit of romance and magic can be very enjoyable and rewarding in itself. I find keeping "magic" alive to be one of the biggest challenges in a long- term relationship, but as challenges go it can be a lot of fun. Let me ask the two of you -- what is wrong with a little romance? Is it so hard? Don't you find it pleasing to go beyond friendship to find something special and unique with someone you care about? Do you ever do something for your SO that has no other purpose than to make him/her happy? And when you do find "magic" with that someone special, don't you think it brings you a little closer? I think you make a mistake to take not wanting to have a candle-lit dinner every night and magnifying that to say that "magic" has no place in a long-term relationship. As a matter-of-fact this sounds like a bit of a cop-out to me. The pursuit of "magic" means you have to put a little more effort into a relationship but I know of few women who exaggerate that into a "candle-lit dinner every night". As to the rewards of romance, they apply to men as well as to women but perhaps, due to the way we are conditioned, women are more open to the work involved. Marsha Fanshier Dept. of Chemistry UCSD {decvax ucbvax}!sdcsvax!sdchema!mmf sdcsvax!mmf@sdchema.chem.ucsd.arpa