Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site rti-sel.UUCP
Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!bellcore!petrus!scherzo!allegra!ulysses!burl!clyde!bonnie!akgua!mcnc!rti-sel!wfi
From: wfi@rti-sel.UUCP (William Ingogly)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Do we "need" relationships?
Message-ID: <484@rti-sel.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 16-Oct-85 13:15:46 EDT
Article-I.D.: rti-sel.484
Posted: Wed Oct 16 13:15:46 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 20-Oct-85 07:41:58 EDT
References: <285@whuts.UUCP> <533@oakhill.UUCP> <286@whuts.UUCP>
Reply-To: wfi@rti-sel.UUCP (William Ingogly)
Distribution: net
Organization: Research Triangle Institute, NC
Lines: 46
Summary: 

In article <12314@rochester.UUCP> ray@rochester.UUCP (Ray Frank) writes:

>Some single people do not suffer from lonliness because they either
>are very much into dating and or into activities ...
>But what about the single who isn't into dating or joining clubs?
>This single person would literally be alone most of the time.  ...
>In this case an SO would be a necessity and most likely more
>desirible than playing the field.

Well, I'd say a single person like this is placing him/herself in a
highly vulnerable position. This person should be aware that it's in
his power to change his behavior and get out more. I was painfully shy
in grade school and high school, realized about sophomore year in high
school that I had a problem getting to know people, and deliberately
set out to socialize myself by joining in school activities, joining
clubs, etc. It wasn't easy, but I changed myself into an outgoing and
unlonely person.

A lonely person who chooses NOT to change his behavior should be aware
that he's made a decision to do so, and realize that he is more
vulnerable than most to hurt and disappointment. If you've put all
your eggs in one basket by limiting yourself to a single relationship
and know that if it breaks up you'll have a hard time finding another,
it seems to me you're asking for trouble.

And how can you know what you need in an SO unless you play the
field? Succeeding at a relationship is like succeeding at anything
else in life, I think: it takes PRACTICE and you're going to make
mistakes before you get it right. So pick yourself up off the ground,
dust off your clothes, and go out and meet some new and interesting
people, Tiger. :-)
 
>I don't believe being alone, that is, living alone and not being socially
>active, is actually the natural state with which to be in, generally speaking.
>I know of too many people who don't like living this type of life style, but
>as the song goes: pity the shy one the unsure one.

Pity only goes so far. If a shy and unsure person doesn't like being
that way, he needs to take action to change himself. You need to set
goals for yourself, maybe only small ones, then meet those goals:
today I'll compliment that woman in the supermarket on her smile,
tomorrow I'll go to that club meeting or night class even though I
think it's silly. It's a matter of teaching yourself, I think, that
you have nothing to lose by trying and everything to gain.

                           -- Cheers, Bill Ingogly