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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!bonnie!akgua!mcnc!rti-sel!wfi
From: wfi@rti-sel.UUCP (William Ingogly)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Needing Relationships
Message-ID: <500@rti-sel.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 23-Oct-85 13:03:18 EDT
Article-I.D.: rti-sel.500
Posted: Wed Oct 23 13:03:18 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 25-Oct-85 03:45:59 EDT
References: <682@hou2g.UUCP>
Reply-To: wfi@rti-sel.UUCP (William Ingogly)
Organization: Research Triangle Institute, NC
Lines: 32
Summary: 

In article <682@hou2g.UUCP> scott@hou2g.UUCP (Colonel'K) writes:

>When I first read Bill's postings, my reaction was that he was 
>coming across as sort of "holier than thou" in his declaration 
>that such a need is "unhealthy".  ...

Hey, I'm the first to admit I've been a Love Junkie at times in the
past. For me, emotional health involves several things: the ability to
bounce back quickly from disappointments, the ability to maintain my
perspective about events in my life, the ability to avoid brooding
over things that won't happen or that are unattainable, etc. The
obsessive pursuit of relationships in my own past history and the
feeling that my life was somehow incomplete without an SO seemed
counterproductive. I DON'T think other people are all that different
from me in this respect.
 
>My hypothesis is that we ALL need such relationships.  However,
>each of us differs in the degree to which we have that need ...
>I don't see any one situation as being more normal than another.  
>What's normal is what's right for YOU.

Agreed to a point. But as I've said before, behavior and dependency
that makes you miserable a good part of the time ain't good for you.
And I believe we can LEARN to approach relationships in different
ways; there's nothing inherent in the nervous system, I think, that
makes some people need love relationships more than others: it's all
learned behavior. You're right when you say that what's normal is
what's right for you, but a person who spends a lot of time pursuing
relationships, thinking about relationships, and feeling lonely is
missing out on a lot of good living.

                         -- Cheers, Bill Ingogly