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From: debray@sbcs.UUCP (Saumya Debray)
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: Re: "Traditional Values"
Message-ID: <482@sbcs.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 11-Oct-85 09:54:20 EDT
Article-I.D.: sbcs.482
Posted: Fri Oct 11 09:54:20 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 15-Oct-85 05:36:26 EDT
References: <274@fear.UUCP>
Organization: Computer Science Dept, SUNY@Stony Brook
Lines: 36

A couple of comments on Robert Plamondon's article, which says that one
reason marriages used to stay together in the past was that women and
children had fewer rights, and couldn't complain even if they were abused.

Robert's observation makes sense, I'm sure, and plausibly explains many
divorces.  However, in my admittedly naive view (having managed to remain
single so far), I have trouble believing that a divorce rate of 50% could
all be explained away in terms of wife-beating.

When I was growing up, in India, practically all marriages were arranged by
the couples' parents.  When I came here, I was astounded to see that by and
large, these people, who had in most cases never spoken to each other until
after they'd been married, seemed to have happier and more stable marriages
than many people here who'd supposedly known each other for a long time and 
been "in love" before marrying.  One reason for this, I think, is that in
India, people knew they'd be marrying perfect strangers, who might have
unfamiliar habits and tastes.  I think they went into their marriages with
fewer illusions, and perhaps not quite as high expectations, as many people I
know seem to today.  I wonder whether this realism gave their marriages a
better chance of working!

Another thought that comes to mind is that for these people, divorce was a
far less easily accessible alternative than it is to married couples today.
I think this made them more tolerant of each other's faults, and more
inclined to work harder at making marriages work.  (No, it wasn't quite
as asymmetric as one might think: a divorce was as much of a stigma for the
Indian husband as it was for the wife.)

Comments?
-- 
Saumya Debray
SUNY at Stony Brook

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