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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxt!houxm!ihnp4!ihlpf!bithead
From: bithead@ihlpf.UUCP (bithead)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Nominally single, etc.
Message-ID: <208@ihlpf.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 14-Nov-85 17:39:27 EST
Article-I.D.: ihlpf.208
Posted: Thu Nov 14 17:39:27 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 16-Nov-85 08:43:41 EST
Distribution: net
Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories
Lines: 90
Keywords: Laura vs. Bithead?

Laura:
>Thanks, Tom for your note.

Using the terms love and friends loosely, dropping letters off
words, and talkin' like a good ole boy isn't cute or stylish
it's just plain boorish.
 
>Hey Bithead!  Can you read?  Can you say ``Quote taken out of
>Context?'' -- about 15 times, loud?  Maybe I pushed all your buttons,
>but you sure didn't read what I posted.

Please, lets not get all bent out of shape. My apologies to you,
Laura, if you interpreted my remarks as a personal attack. The
intent was to focus on an attitude seemingly portrayed in your
posting. More on this in what follows....
 
>I am talking about FIRST DATES and FIRST TIME ASK OUTS here.  First
>dates *are* easy come, easy go.  You could go out with a different
>person every day of your life and die before you get outside of the
>average city!
> 
>You are talking about WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH IN A SERIOUS
>RELATIONSHIP.

NO! NO! NO! I'm talking about ANY kind of relationship, even a first
date. It is in the best interest of both people to approach their
date with an open mind and to keep all options open. The point I was
trying to make previously is: Don't follow a prescribed plan of
attack! All too often men and women approach dates with a set plan.
For instance, a man's future with a woman could be nonexistant not
because he's an undesirable slug, but because her plan is dinner
and going to the show and that's all. It doesn't even matter if
he's T.Selleck and J.Paul Getty rolled into one, her mind is made
up. Guys are guilty of the same sort of thing, the only thing
that may differ is the motive. 
I once dated a girl who was very difficult to understand, she
wasn't "fun & good times" on the first date, not even on the
second, but I stuck with her. Had I adopted this popular
attitude of "easy come - easy go" I would have lost someone
who ended up adding a lot of happiness to my life. In this
pervading atmosphere of shallowness and superficiality there
are no winners, but we have the power to change all that.
For those of you who think I have a jaded view of reality I
have two questions: 

         I. Why are there so many organizations that prey
            on people who have difficulty "meeting someone"?
        II. Why does our country's divorce rate lead the
            world (by a longshot)?

Ever hear of "Nothing ventured - nothing gained" ?  

>This is a different question.  I don't consider a first
>date a serious relationship.  
>
>By the way, you confuse ``understanding'' with ``compassion''.  When you

Odd, I can't seem to find the word "compassion" in my prior posting.

>complain of my lack of understanding what you are objecting to is
>not that I do not understand what is going on but that I am not responding
>to the needs of the hypothetical person.  If this misuse becomes rampant,
>I will have to call the understanding people I know wise or something else
>(wise has the connotation of old and ancient which I do not always want).
>
>Something to consider is that there is a tradeoff between what is usually
>called ``honesty'' and what is usually called ``compassion''.   A good many
>people mean ``please leave me with my bullshit, I couldn't bear to know
>the truth'' when they ask you to be compassionate.  I think that this is
>a faulty understanding of what is actual compassion, but it is way too
>late to undo this damage.  These days, I use ``accepting'' where most
>people would use ``compassionate''.
>
>In any case, if you are a walking emotional drain, I am not interested in
>pursuing a serious relationship with you until you have your shit together.
>It will be hard on me, and I will resent you for it, and we will have
>loud and unpleasant arguments and it will end messily.  I can do better than
>that and so can you. 
>
>[Note -- this is the general, and not the specific ``you'' that I am
>talking about].

That's OK, I can dish it out, but I can take it too. Please don't
take my postings too seriously. It may sound crazy, but I think if we 
ever met we would like each other.
Take care.
                      the bithead ( ihnp4!ihlpf!bithead ) 

    Mr. Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a
                      constant; the population is growing.