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From: melissa@mit-hector.UUCP (Melissa Silvestre)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: The "Reality" of Electronic Communication
Message-ID: <140@mit-hector.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 15-Nov-85 13:21:38 EST
Article-I.D.: mit-hect.140
Posted: Fri Nov 15 13:21:38 1985
Date-Received: Sun, 17-Nov-85 06:19:05 EST
References: <917@cvl.UUCP> <352@whuts.UUCP> <11@ttidcc.UUCP> <1617@teddy.UUCP> <1052@oddjob.UUCP>
Reply-To: melissa@mit-hector.UUCP (Melissa Silvestre)
Distribution: net
Organization: MIT Project Athena
Lines: 55

In article <1052@oddjob.UUCP> matt@oddjob.UUCP (Matt Crawford) writes:
>When you think you might have a romantic
>interest in a net.pen-pal, should you exchange physical descriptions
>or pictures before agreeing to meet them?  I would go ahead and take
>a chance, because I don't consider myself to be very demanding about
>a particular physical appearance.  But wouldn't it feel a little
>weird to say to yourself "I know now that that's a very nice person,
>but it'll never work because they're too short/tall/light/dark/skinny/
>fat or just plain ugly"?  I think I would feel guilty about having
>such "unenlightened" feelings, but there it is and what can you do
       ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>about it?
>_____________________________________________________
>Matt		University	crawford@anl-mcs.arpa
>Crawford	of Chicago	ihnp4!oddjob!matt

First I'd like to say that I think its perfectly ok to feel uninterested
in someone because of their "looks". This is biological to some degree,
and a result of our society to the rest. Not your fault.

From personal experience, I would recommend that if you are considering
seeing in person someone that you think you may want to get involved with
that you met and only communicate via electronic mail/talk, make sure
you exchange photographs first, especially if you live far enough
apart for the visit to be costly.

I met an interesting guy in California through electronic talk (via
ARPAnet). After many very long electronic discussions, both mail and
talk, we both thought we might be falling in love. He went so far as
to make plane reservations to visit me here in Boston. But when we
decided to exchange pictures, that was it. Seeing the other's picture
made us realize that we had each fallen in love with an image, which
was only based on truth with regards to personality and intellect.
Seeing reality was quite a shock. I was not in the least repelled
physically by him, and he claims to feel the same. It wasn't that
reality was worse than our images, just DIFFERENT.  After a painful
fight, we managed to rebuild a kind of friendship, and are working
slowly and far more cautiously the second time around towards perhaps
something more.

I don't think electronic comunication is at all dehumanizing. I think
it can be very useful if the person you are communicating with is
someone you already know well, who moved away. I find it far easier
to communicate with my younger brother, who just started college,
through e-mail than through paper letters because its easier to
be spontaneous with e-mail. You don't have to worry about digging
up the pen, paper, and stamp. You can also communicate more "timely"
things, like a great special on TV the next night, etc.

I do recommend emotional caution, however, if you have never met
the person before.

-------
Melissa Silvestre ...!decvax!mit-eddie!mit-athena!melissa 
		  or just melissa@mit-athena.ARPA