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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbosgd!ihnp4!ihlpf!bithead
From: bithead@ihlpf.UUCP (bithead)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Re: sensitivity
Message-ID: <213@ihlpf.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 19-Nov-85 14:41:03 EST
Article-I.D.: ihlpf.213
Posted: Tue Nov 19 14:41:03 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 20-Nov-85 20:32:35 EST
Distribution: na
Organization: AT&T Bell Laboratories
Lines: 68
Keywords: understanding, compassion, etc.

>>> = Claude Farmer
>>  = Laura Creighton
>   = David Longerbeam 

>> In article <186@houligan.UUCP> farmer@houligan.UUCP (Claude Farmer) writes:
>> >
>> >          Anyways, I agree with Bird Dog.  The policy of honesty is best
>> >      when dealing with either sex and Bird Dog is merely being honest
>> >      though a bit obnoxious at times.  Finally,  "sensitive and caring"
>> >      is just another euphemism for lacking the backbone to be honest with
>> >      yourself (brutally if necessary) and others
>> 
>> I have been called insensitive a lot.  After worrying about it a lot, I
>> have discovered that most of the people who have asked me to be sensitive
>> simply want to be left in their bullshit.  But, unfortunately for me, there
>> is also another set of people who are not asking for dishonesty when they
>> accuse me of insensitivity.  
>>   .
>    .
>    .
>> 
>> But there is real compassion which holds no pity or dishonestry and is not
>> judging.  I have had glimpses of it, and it is wonderful stuff.  I know a few
>> people who appear to walk around with that level of compassion all the time.
>> They are not insensitive in the way that I am. So I think that while
>> ``sensitive and caring == coward'' is a very good rule of thumb, it is not
>> the whole story. 
>> 
>> 
>> -- 
>> Laura Creighton		
>> sun!l5!laura		(that is ell-five, not fifteen)
>> l5!laura@lll-crg.arpa
>
>Laura, I applaud your efforts at honesty, but you are missing a very
>important point.  "Sensitive and Caring == coward????"  Come on, Laura.
>While I am familiar with the kind of sensitivity that is, in effect,
>saying to the world, "I am sensitive, so you have to appreciate me and
>take care of me because of my virtue and don't tell me any uncomfortable
>truths about myself", you seem to be missing out on the kind of sensitivity
>that says:
>
>	"I am sensitive to your suffering, knowing myself that 
>	things get pretty rough at times, and while I will never
>	coddle you with sweet lies, I have compassion for you in
>	your "real" difficulties, and I have compassion for the suffering
>	brought on by your ignorance."
>
>And then again, there is the kind of sensitivity and caring when
>one has the COURAGE to reach out for other's help and sympathy,
>but WITHOUT WANTING THE SWEET LIES.  This kind of sensitivity exposes one's
>heart to the world, and I maintain that this takes a lot of courage.
>My rule of thumb, then, is:
>
>	Sensitive and caring is another word for very courageous,
>	as long as honesty is maintained.
>
>Perhaps the distinction is possible because I believe that honesty,
>when not contaminated with judgement, is very caring.  Now, if I could 
>only practice what I preach more often!

You've done an excellent job of expressing points which I obviously
failed to make (I've received an enormous amount of flak on this topic).
My thanks for a superb posting.

                                 the bithead

       COLE'S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage.