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From: woods@hao.UUCP (Greg Woods)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: How Do We Love?
Message-ID: <1869@hao.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 21-Nov-85 12:47:33 EST
Article-I.D.: hao.1869
Posted: Thu Nov 21 12:47:33 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 23-Nov-85 10:09:55 EST
References: <26600148@uiucdcs>
Organization: High Altitude Obs./NCAR, Boulder CO
Lines: 32

> [not approved by Committee for a Macho Net; parental discretion advised]
> 
> So if it's not the other person or any external influence that fully affects
> one's degree of commitment, it must be whatever's left that is the major
> influence on one's becoming in love.  What's left is, of course, the self.
   
   ..or, more precisely, one's needs and/or wants (I use that awkward
espression *deliberately* to avoid getting back into the wanting vs. needing
argument again). The people you will commit to are, I believe, those who
have what you want or need in your life. The reality is that people never
give "freely" of themselves. They give of themselves when they see, 
consciously or unconsciously, that it will or may lead to fulfilling
of one or more wants or needs that they have. Note that this is not the same
thing as saying everyone is selfish; it may well be that making others happy
is something you greatly desire. I think we all feel that to some extent.

> Love is like a faucet (followups to net.jokes :-); one can turn it on and
> off at will with only a bit of mental discipline.

  I think this is true too, although sometimes one can allow the unconscious
mind to control the faucet. I guess that's what you meant by "mental
discipline". Again, I think the faucet gets turned on when you perceive that 
the "water" will show a "good" return, whatever "good" means to you.

> Think of your closest relationships, and ask yourself why you committed
>yourself to the degree you did.  I expect that most of you will find the answer
> to be that you decided it would be that way.

  Of course. No one ever forces you into a commitment; by definition
a commitment is a choice.

--Greg