Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.3 4.3bsd-beta 6/6/85; site l5.uucp Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxr!mhuxn!ihnp4!qantel!ptsfa!l5!laura From: laura@l5.uucp (Laura Creighton) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: doing something about your feelings Message-ID: <296@l5.uucp> Date: Sun, 1-Dec-85 13:55:11 EST Article-I.D.: l5.296 Posted: Sun Dec 1 13:55:11 1985 Date-Received: Thu, 5-Dec-85 04:43:21 EST References: <1933@zehntel.UUCP> <3850033@csd2.UUCP> <218@unirot.UUCP> <279@l5.uucp> <652@unc.unc.UUCP> Reply-To: laura@l5.UUCP (Laura Creighton) Organization: Nebula Consultants in San Francisco Lines: 69 In article <652@unc.unc.UUCP> goodrum@unc.UUCP (Cloyd Goodrum) writes: > > This is partially true. When this discussion about being responsible >for one's emotions was going on (and on and on :-) before, there was one >very important point that was not brought up. It's been my experience that >you can't do a lot about your emotions by trying to do something about them. >It's a lot like trying not to think about elephants. If someone tells you not >to think about elephants, all you're going to be thinking about is elephants >and how you're not supposed to think about them. > Likewise, if you keep thinking "I shouldn't be depressed" or "I've >got to stop being angry", more likely than not you'll think about your >depression or anger and whatever is causing it. > So what do you do?? I've never found a better solution than just >waiting. And while you're waiting, you should try not to nurse your negative >emotion.That IS something you can take responsibility for. Instead of thinking >about whatever's bothering you, think about C code or Elizabethan history >or your favorite aunt or anything else you find interesting. You can't think >about two things at once. Well, there isn't anything you can do except wait, but you can wait a lot faster than that. {concept stolen from *Stranger in a Strange Land*. If you haven't read it in a while, check it out again.} If you are depressed or angry, the idea is to find out why. This will probably have nothing to do with the specific situation which triggered the whole thing, unfortunately. I suspect there are many reasons why you might do this, but since I seem to only do it for one reason I will let that secret out for anybody like me. When I get angry or depressed, I am out and out saying that the universe had damn well conform to my expectations for it or else! I'm going to get what I want or else I will get really, really angry. (I get angry several orders of magnitude more often then I get depressed.) This is rather pointless -- I don't think that the universe particularily cares about my anger. The question is -- why do I get angry? Why not just deal with things as they arise? When I get down to it, it is because at some level I think that I am too incompetent to deal with things as they arise. I get scared and I blow it. Now there are still a lot of situations I can't deal with very well; why do I end up arguing with irrational people so often? but in the long view I can probably handle whatever life throws at me. If I were blinded, or when my best friend was killed in a car accident -- those are nice solid reasons to get good and angry. But to get enraged because the bottom fell out of the trash bag, or because your lover isn't impressed at the incredible amount of work you went to to get Grateful Dead tickets -- this seems rather stupid. What you need to do to regain your ability to take life's little hassles and disappointments in stride is to realise that you are actually very competent and that you can handle it. So what you should do is find something difficult and do it. It should be something that doesn't take a lot of preparation or that doesn't take weeks to accomplish. I know people who clean their house then, and I know others who lay out boards then -- what I do is climb things. Rocks, caves, churches, bridges, buildings, tall trees -- nothing is sacred. When I am really angry I need a good 2-6 hour difficult climb which I have preferably never done before but which I can just barely do. When you get to the top, you look down and feel great. Magnanimous even. So full of how demonstrably wonderful that you are than you can float on past all those things which before were intolerable. It is difficult to think that you are a louse from the top of a mountain. If you aren't scaring yourself you will stop trying to bludgeon the world into submission and start to either fix the problem or come up with a work-around. -- Laura Creighton sun!l5!laura (that is ell-five, not fifteen) l5!laura@lll-crg.arpa