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Path: utzoo!watmath!sunybcs!colonel
From: colonel@sunybcs.UUCP (Col. G. L. Sicherman)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: other people's feelings
Message-ID: <2579@sunybcs.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 4-Dec-85 09:26:26 EST
Article-I.D.: sunybcs.2579
Posted: Wed Dec  4 09:26:26 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 6-Dec-85 08:10:02 EST
References: <3850033@csd2.UUCP> <218@unirot.UUCP> <1686@utcsri.UUCP>
Organization: Save the Dodoes Foundation
Lines: 34

> >Have you ever noticed how much "being honest" resembles
> >dodging responsibility for others' feelings?
> >
> >(I can just see the wave of responses from the "pro-Choice,"
> >"self-actualized" group:  "But I'm NOT responsible!" ... Q.E.D.)
> >
> 	As a member of the "pro-Choice, self-actualized" group I
> would INSIST that EVERYONE should have regard for the feelings of
> others.  It is none-the-less true that feelings are a personal
> entity and you can change your feelings by understanding the
> personal processes you have that cause them in the first place.

You two seem to be talking right past each other.  How about a compromise:

1. You are not responsible for what other people feel.  You are
	responsible to yourself for the _consequences_ of hurting
	other people's feelings.  It's unwise to make enemies.
	It's unwise to be frank with strangers.

2. If you are pro-choice for everybody, and not just for yourself,
	you cannot insist that everybody obey your rules of behavior.
	Whether you are pro-choice or not, such insisting has no
	effect.

As for whether you can change your feelings, I thought the discussion
had died out by now.  What I believe is that you can change your
_thoughts_ (e.g., "everybody hates me"), but you cannot change
your feelings (e.g., grief).  Try sticking your hand in a bowl of
ice water and feeling heat!
-- 
Col. G. L. Sicherman
UU: ...{rocksvax|decvax}!sunybcs!colonel
CS: colonel@buffalo-cs
BI: csdsicher@sunyabva