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From: israel@umcp-cs.UUCP (Bruce Israel)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: sensitivity
Message-ID: <2404@umcp-cs.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 3-Dec-85 22:41:57 EST
Article-I.D.: umcp-cs.2404
Posted: Tue Dec  3 22:41:57 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 7-Dec-85 14:40:39 EST
References: <1933@zehntel.UUCP> <3850033@csd2.UUCP> <218@unirot.UUCP> <2333@umcp-cs.UUCP> <221@unirot.UUCP> <39@ttidcc.UUCP>
Reply-To: israel@maryland.UUCP (Bruce israel)
Organization: U of Maryland, Computer Science Dept., College Park, MD
Lines: 47

In article <39@ttidcc.UUCP> hollombe@ttidcc.UUCP (The Polymath) writes:
>In article <221@unirot.UUCP> pooh@unirot.UUCP (Pooh) writes:
>>
>>Again, I ask:  why?  Why should we take it on ourselves to tell
>>someone that he's "fucking up" a situation?  Why don't we let him
>>have the dignity of finding it out himself and deciding for himself
>>whether he's making a mistake?
>
>In general I agree.  Four years on a suicide prevention hotline taught me a
>lot  about  the  futility  of  trying to help someone who isn't ready to be
>helped.

I agree.  If the person isn't ready to be helped, then its useless to
try to help them.  (I said that in very similar words in my first
posting).

BUT ...

Where I disagree is with the automatic assumption that if the person
hasn't asked for help, then they aren't ready to be helped!

When I recommend helping people, I'm not saying

a) to do it all the time, or
b) to do it to everyone.

I think any advice giving or helping-hand giving has got to be
tempered with two things, is doing this better for the person than not
doing it (at least in my estimation), and are they ready for me to do
it. 

The first one I've discussed in previous postings, so I won't cover it
here.  I don't feel that you can know the second one for any man on
the street.  Obviously to know if they're ready for your help, you
have to be close enough to them to know their desires, expectations,
etc.  i.e. the things you know about friends.  Doing things for people
other than friends can be useless or worse, unless what you are doing
is so innocuous that there is no chance of resentment or any problems.
The type of innocuous things I mean are things like letting a person
into your lane on the freeway, or holding open a door for someone.

-- 

Bruce Israel

University of Maryland, Computer Science Dept.
{rlgvax,seismo}!umcp-cs!israel (Usenet)    israel@Maryland (Arpanet)