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From: toml@oliveb.UUCP (Tom Long)
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: Re: Otherwise Engaged
Message-ID: <637@oliveb.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 20-Nov-85 12:36:12 EST
Article-I.D.: oliveb.637
Posted: Wed Nov 20 12:36:12 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 23-Nov-85 04:07:25 EST
References: <632@oliveb.UUCP> <570@tymix.UUCP> <633@oliveb.UUCP> <684@lasspvax.UUCP>
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> In article <633@oliveb.UUCP> toml@oliveb.UUCP (Tom Long) writes:
> >[]
> >	I have often heard it said, "Behind every successful man stands
> >a woman".  I believe that this must at least in general be true.  Among
> >the benefits of a happy marriage is that the man carries a certain amount
> >of flexibility and good-naturedness and level-headedness to work with him.
> 
> By a man's flexibility in a "happy marriage" you must mean that the 
> wifey follows him wherever his career takes him, rather than having
> any dedication to any career of her own.
> 
> >	I think one can sum up the experiences reported in the book by
> >applying the same phrase in the opposite direction:  "Behind every successful
> >woman stands a man".
> 
> Right.  Mine irons my shirts for me every morning.  Takes the kids to school.
> Vaccuums the stairs.  Throws lovely parties.  Is even willing to go back
> to work for awhile, if I decide to go back to school.
> 
> >	The women in the study who (when confronted with conflicts between
> >career and marriage) chose to sacrifice their career progress in favor of
> >the marriage were more successful in their *careers* in the long run, and
> >on average. 
> 
> That's what they all say.  If you made a decision like that (to sacrifice
> career for marraige), you'd feel obligated to defend the validity of that
> decision, too.  How do they measure success, hmm?
> 
> Cheryl

	The book we are referring to results from interviews with thousands
of women and their husbands, friends, and colleagues, over a period of about
25 years.  The women interviewed tended to fall into two classes:  happy and
bitter.  Their associates agreed that the happy ones were successful and the
bitter ones were failures, no matter how the subjects themselves chose to
measure success.

	What I meant by a man's "flexibility" stemming from a happy marriage
is that he can take disappointments at work and frustrations with life's
nasty surprises in stride.  I imagine that all of us can tolerate a certain
amount of unpleasantness without becoming unpleasant ourselves;  a happy
marriage restores our flexibility each time we go home.

	(I believe the same thing is true for children.  Children who live
in a happy home carry a lot more flexibility to school with them, and into
their eventual marriage, than children who live in an unhappy home.)

	In the particular case where a man's career requires moving and
wifey wants to stay put, "flexibility" might mean staying in the same town,
and it might mean taking a job with a different company.

							   Tom Long