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From: john@cisden.UUCP (John Woolley)
Newsgroups: net.jokes,net.politics
Subject: Soviet jokes, offensive only to Stalinists
Message-ID: <306@cisden.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 6-Dec-85 10:57:08 EST
Article-I.D.: cisden.306
Posted: Fri Dec  6 10:57:08 1985
Date-Received: Wed, 11-Dec-85 20:54:52 EST
Reply-To: john@cisden.UUCP (John Woolley)
Organization: ConTel Information Systems, Denver
Lines: 64
Xref: linus net.jokes:13093 net.politics:11751


	So one day, back before Czar Constantin Chernenko got to room
temperature, he calls Andrei Gromyko into his office.  He looks worried.
"Andrei Sergeievich, sit down", he says.  "We have a terrible problem."
	Gromyko looks puzzled -- he hasn't heard of any problem.  "What
is it, Comrade General Secretary?"
	"Andrei, it's all these time zones, and international date lines,
and all.  Something has to be done about it."
	Now Gromyko's really puzzled.  "But, Comrade," he says, "there
have always been time zones, and there has to be a date line somewhere.
What can we do about it?  And how can time zones be such a problem?"
	"Oh, Andrei," says Chernenko, "it's just so damn confusing.  I
can't keep track of it all.  For instance, when Indira Gandhi was shot,
I phoned to give my condolences -- I was a day late!  So embarassing!  
And when the Pope was shot, I phoned to give my condolences -- I was a
day early!"

********************

	This Russian guy loses his pet parrot.  He looks everywhere, all
around the neighbourhood, in the park, everywhere.  He can't find the
parrot.  Finally he goes around to the KGB office, and tells the desk
officer his problem.  
	The officer's a little puzzled.  "Look, bud, I'm sorry you lost
your bird, but this is the KGB.  We don't handle missing animal reports."
	"Oh, I know that", says the guy.  "I just wanted you to know, if
you find my parrot -- I don't know where he could have picked up all his
political ideas."

********************

	Sign seen in a travel agency in Belgrade back when Tito was dying:
"Visit the Soviet Union before it visits you."

********************

	A Pole and a Russian find a suitcase full of money.  "Ah!" says
the Russian, "we will of course divide the money between us, like good
socialist brothers."
	"No way", says the Pole.  "Fifty-fifty."

********************

	Gorbachev, after months of patient persuading, finally gets his old
mother to visit Moscow for a holiday.  He shows her a great time -- dinner
at the best restaurant in the city, opera at the Bolshoi, the Czarina's 
suite in the Kremlin.  But he thinks she's not having a good time.
	Next morning, after a fabulous breakfast, he shows off his classic
car collection, some of the Kremlin art galleries, his sixty-foot high
official portrait.  He takes her in a fancy limousine out to a beautiful
hunting dacha on a gorgeous lake, liveried servants everywhere.  But still,
he doesn't think she's enjoying herself much.  Finally, he asks.
	"Mama," he says, "what is it?  Aren't you proud of me?  Don't you
like all these things?"
	"Oh, Misha," says the old lady.  "Of course I'm proud of you, and
everything's beautiful.  I just can't help worrying -- what are you ever
going to do if the Reds come back?"

********************
-- 
				Peace and Good!,
				    (Fr.) John Woolley
"Quid enim sunt servi Dei nisi quidem joculatores ejus, qui corda hominum
erigere debent et movere ad laetitiam spiritualem?" -- S. Franciscus