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From: bandy@lll-crg.ARpA (Andrew Scott Beals)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Califoo joke corrected + "lentil soup" from ba.general
Message-ID: <1129@lll-crg.ARpA>
Date: Tue, 10-Dec-85 17:06:13 EST
Article-I.D.: lll-crg.1129
Posted: Tue Dec 10 17:06:13 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 12-Dec-85 04:43:21 EST
References: <19703981@uiucuxa>
Reply-To: bandy@lll-crg.UUCP (Andrew Scott Beals)
Organization: Computation Research Group, Lawrence Livermore Labs
Lines: 61

In article <19703981@uiucuxa> rp321@uiucuxa.CSO.UIUC.EDU messes up:
>Q: Why is California like a cereal bowl?
>A: Because it's full of flakes, fruits, and nuts!

The correct version is:
Q: Why is California like granola?
A: Because when you get rid of the fruits and nuts, all you have left
   are flakes.

Now for the obligatory humor:
Path: lll-crg!amdcad!cae780!leadsv!horst
>From: horst@leadsv.UUCP (John Selhorst)
Newsgroups: ba.general
Subject: Re: LENTIL SOUP
Date-Received: 4 Sep 85 07:46:47 GMT
Distribution: ba
Organization: LMSC-LEADS, Sunnyvale, Ca.
Lines: 35
Summary: Is it really good?

In article <1090@dual.UUCP>, emile@dual.UUCP (Emile Shaffer) writes:
> *There is a rumour that someone at Lockheed makes great Lentil
>  soup.  A friend of a friend of a friend said a guy named Jordan
>  would know who this soup-maker is.  Pass on the name please - 
>  bay people are hungry.

Just how good is this lentil soup, anyway? Is this anything like the
nail soup I used to make as a wee wisp of a child? I like lentil soup
very much, but many people here at Lockheed may find this discussion
in bad taste. Just how hungry are all you bay people. If you are con-
fused, I'll explain.
Lentil Soup is a code word for a secret joint project being developed
by a large silicon valley defense contractor and a smallish, but
dynamic, computer manufacturer in the east bay. The project is
developing a multiprocessing architecture using 3**n 68020 chips.
Hypercubes use 2**n processors, maximizing communication efficiency.
However, work done by Schumacher in the 60's showed that a triangular
structure leads to a more stable communication network. Exhaustive
simulation of a 3**10 processor network shows an average throughput
at about .99723 of single processor speed per processor. The use of
the 3**n processor architecture has caused some major breakthroughs
in parallelization and language theory. A new language, Dome, has been
designed to take advantage of this radical new architecture. Dome
represents an entirely new approach to programming and even thinking.
This approach is based on C.G. Jung's early work on dreams. Recent
discoveries have shown that people think most clearly while dreaming.
A few experiments with non-programmers programming in their sleep in
the Dome language show an increase in reliability by a factor of ten
for systems over 100,000 lines. There is also an increase in produc-
tivity by a factor of 4.3. Most of this work is being sponsored by
NSA and DOD and is therefore top secret. So if any of you people tell
anyone else, the FBI will be all over your tail. This is just between
the few of us who actually read ba.general.  ;-)

John Selhorst


-- 
Outlaw thievery - repeal the 16th amendment!

andy beals - bandy@lll-crg.arpa - {seismo,ihnp4,qantel}!lll-crg!bandy