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From: laman@ncr-sd.UUCP (Mike Laman)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: "Mine, mine, all mine" -- help
Message-ID: <363@ncr-sd.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 13-Dec-85 15:53:08 EST
Article-I.D.: ncr-sd.363
Posted: Fri Dec 13 15:53:08 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 14-Dec-85 03:47:54 EST
References: <32700036@hpfcla.UUCP>
Reply-To: laman@ncr-sd.UUCP (0000-Mike Laman)
Organization: NCR Corporation, San Diego
Lines: 49

In article <32700036@hpfcla.UUCP> ajs@hpfcla.UUCP writes:
>Any good advice on "helping" a toddler gently through her "I own it all
>and you can't have it" phase?  Rational answers like "no you don't, I
>do, but I'll share it with you", and "sure, but will you share it with
>me?" worked for a while, but not lately.  She's getting pretty greedy,
>and easily upset if not humored.  Not desirable traits!
>
	:
	:
	:

Our oldest one is three years old and has been greedy at times too.
We are still in this situation, so I'm still learning from it.
For what it is worth, she either shares it or doesn't get to play with it
at all.  The are a few exceptions for tiny toys and just wanting to play
by herself.  In these cases, she has to trade (yes, that word is in her
vocabulary) so the other one is not left empty handed.
I don't allow trading when the other kid is intensely playing with it.
I think this defends the 17 month old's ``rights''.  When he complains
about a taken toy, she has to share.  They are learning how to work
things out, but it will be a good while before that is satisfactory to both.
Sometimes they just have to what until the other is finished.  That's
how they share banging on my terminal at home.  One at a time.
Whatever happens, you rarely win.  They both want the same thing exclusively,
and RIGHT NOW, so both may not be happy.  They just have to learn to get along
with each other.  They still have many years that they will be living together.

[ I feel my wife allows to much trading sometimes.  That really doesn't give
  the younger one any real say.  It's like saying "I'm the bigger one.
  I want this, so I will give you this toy that I don't want to play
  with."  I guess I might be a little more sensitive to younger ones.
  I was the youngest in my family, and my wife was the oldest one in
  her family.  Hopefully we'll balance our sensitivities.
  our decisions.

  That brings up one good thing about having kids.   Before I knew that older
  ones in the family have their complaints as do the younger ones.  But with
  kids in the house, I can really SEE it and thus have a more complete
  understanding of the overall picture.  That's what the little ones
  miss.  The overall picture -- FAMILY.  They each have their position
  (pecking order) and responsibilities.  After all what kids like
  responsibilities?  Sure they like freedoms, but responsibilities?
]

Sorry, I don't think I'll ever post a short article to net.kids.  Too much
parent in me now.

		Mike Laman
		UUCP: {ucbvax,philabs,sdcsla}!sdcsvax!ncr-sd!laman