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From: ajs@hpfcla.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: Seeking to Adopt an Infant
Message-ID: <32700035@hpfcla.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 6-Dec-85 12:39:00 EST
Article-I.D.: hpfcla.32700035
Posted: Fri Dec  6 12:39:00 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 14-Dec-85 23:31:58 EST
References: <482@ptsfc.UUCP>
Organization: 06 Dec 85 10:39:00 MST
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> Generally its a very bad idea for the true parents to know the adopted
> parents.  I know of two couples that have made the mistake, my aunt and
> uncle, and a couple in my church.

I must counter this.  Don't you think two examples are too few to
generalize from?

I know from my wife's experiences and the birthparent organizations she
belongs to that it's also a very bad idea for adopting and birth parents
NOT to know each other.  Adopting parents at best lose valuable
information; at worst they are paranoid about the birth parents showing
up some day and causing trouble.  Meanwhile, birthparents often suffer
terrible grief and sense of loss, which grows as time passes.

Open adoptions need not result in chaos if handled right.  They certainly
have the potential for greater resulting peace, happiness, and security.

Also, I must take issue with your choice of terms.  Birth parents are no
more the "true" parents of a child (once the adopting parents have legal
custody and are raising it) than anti-abortionists are necessarily
"pro-life" or than pro-choicers are necessarily "anti-life".

Alan "pro-choice, pro-life, pro-open-adoption" Silverstein