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From: mark@umcp-cs.UUCP (Mark Weiser)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: "Mine, mine, all mine" -- help
Message-ID: <2575@umcp-cs.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 16-Dec-85 10:22:40 EST
Article-I.D.: umcp-cs.2575
Posted: Mon Dec 16 10:22:40 1985
Date-Received: Fri, 20-Dec-85 01:09:16 EST
References: <32700036@hpfcla.UUCP>
Reply-To: mark@maryland.UUCP (Mark Weiser)
Organization: U of Maryland, Computer Science Dept., College Park, MD
Lines: 26

In article <32700036@hpfcla.UUCP> ajs@hpfcla.UUCP writes:
>Any good advice on "helping" a toddler gently through her "I own it all
>and you can't have it" phase?  Rational answers like "no you don't, I
>do, but I'll share it with you", and "sure, but will you share it with
>me?" worked for a while, but not lately.  She's getting pretty greedy,
>and easily upset if not humored.  Not desirable traits!
>

Maybe not desirable in an adult, but ok for a toddler.  We accepted upsetness
(tantrums) in both our daughters as natural reactions to frustration when
being told "No".  We try to respond to the tantrums by (a) staying around
(no isolation), (b) preventing hurt to them or the surroundings, (c) telling
them we love them (this sometimes causing the screaming to intensify: ok with 
me).  It always seemed to me that trying to avoid all upsetness was not
realistic parenting: after all, we get upset as adults, why not kids too?
I like to have someone to commiserate with when I'm upset. Even if the 
commiserator is the apparent source of the frustration (like a parent or 
a slow checkout person) it helps if they are sympathetic.

After a tantrum or two on any given issue our daughters seemed to accept 
the situation better.
	-mark
-- 
Spoken: Mark Weiser 	ARPA:	mark@maryland	Phone: +1-301-454-7817
CSNet:	mark@umcp-cs 	UUCP:	{seismo,allegra}!umcp-cs!mark
USPS: Computer Science Dept., University of Maryland, College Park, MD 20742