Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site faron.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!gamma!epsilon!zeta!sabre!petrus!bellcore!decvax!linus!faron!sidney From: sidney@faron.UUCP (Sidney Markowitz) Newsgroups: net.kids Subject: Re: "Mine, mine, all mine" -- help Message-ID: <417@faron.UUCP> Date: Thu, 19-Dec-85 09:28:42 EST Article-I.D.: faron.417 Posted: Thu Dec 19 09:28:42 1985 Date-Received: Sat, 21-Dec-85 00:42:57 EST Organization: The MITRE Corporation, Bedford, MA Lines: 42 In-reply-to: mcal@ihuxb.UUCP's message of 17 Dec 85 13:59:35 GMT In article <1187@ihuxb.UUCP> mcal@ihuxb.UUCP (Mike Clifford) writes: > YIKES! I can't see what your kids about supposed to learn except that > you won't take the time to teach them how to work out their differences. > Would you please expound on this? One of the most difficult and most useful things for a parent to learn is that the fastest way for a kid to learn social skills is experientially, through trial and error. A statement like "Daddy, she won't let me play with my crayons!" may cause you to want to step in and adjucate or mediate, but it is pretty certain that you don't have all the information to judge, that the kids will think one of them has "won" in the deal, and what they will learn is that a proper tactic in conflict when they are in the losing position is to take a chance on commplaining to you. A very good principle is to require the children to handle social disputes themselves, since it really is between them. There is no better teacher of how to get along with others than the experience of *having* to get along with them. I like Addison's (ihpa!ibyf) strategy of throwing out whatever they're fighting over, simply because it quickly leads to the kids resolving such things themselves, so the parent is not tempted to interfere. I am always surprised how much faster and more creatively the kids work things out when I let them than when I attempt to "teach" them fair play. Of course, if it looks like someone is going to get hurt, or the noise level is interfering with *my* activities, then I am justified in stepping in to deal with that aspect of it. But then the statement is not "you have to share" -- Instead it's "If you are going to fight or play or whatever, that's up to you, but there will be no while you do it." -- Sidney Markowitz ARPA: sidney@mitre-bedford UUCP: ...{allegra,decvax,genrad,ihnp4,philabs,security,utzoo}!linus!sidney