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From: rfb@h.cs.cmu.edu (Rick Busdiecker)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: "Mine, mine, all mine" -- help
Message-ID: <283@h.cs.cmu.edu>
Date: Fri, 20-Dec-85 11:10:10 EST
Article-I.D.: h.283
Posted: Fri Dec 20 11:10:10 1985
Date-Received: Mon, 23-Dec-85 04:43:12 EST
Organization: Carnegie-Mellon University, CS/RI
Lines: 44

>> > In article <32700036@hpfcla.UUCP> ajs@hpfcla.UUCP writes:
>> > >Any good advice on "helping" a toddler gently through her "I own it all
>> > >and you can't have it" phase?  Rational answers like "no you don't, I
>> 
>> I only have two, fiarly close in age and the best thing I've come up with
>> is when I hear them fighting over anything, I calmly walk over, take the
>> object in question, walk to the garbage can (in sight of both of them) and
>> deposit the offending item.  This may or may not be accompanied by something
>> like. "Keep fighting and ALL your toys will be in the garbage."
>> I've only done it three times, the third being the clincher.
>> It was the oldest ones favorite Barbie doll!
>> 					Addison

>> 					ihlpa!ibyf
>
>YIKES!  I can't see what your kids about supposed to learn except that 
>you won't take the time to teach them how to work out their differences.
>Would you please expound on this?
>
>Mike Clifford

YIKES! is right.  Besides the fact that this is just plain cruel, punishment
is one of the least effective means of behavior modification.  It would be
much more effective to try explanation when the incident occurs and, much
more importantly, to heap praise on the child the next time they show the
slightest bit of generosity or sharing.  Then continue to praise good
actions.  When explaining things to your child, try to emphasize the good
aspects of their actions without dwelling on the bad aspects.

Please, Addison, for the sake of your children, do some reading in the areas
of developmental and behavioral psychology.  I'm sure that your intentions
are good, but your method is incorrect according to the evidence of an
overwhelming amount of research.  Positive reinforcement is *always* better
than punishment and it will produce other good qualities in your kids.  I
doubt seriously that you would want your children to start punishing each
other, yet you are teaching them that punishment is a reasonable response to
undesireable actions.

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