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From: boroff@bagels.DEC (E. Boroff, NCSS DECnet/PSI)
Newsgroups: net.motss
Subject: I want/need emotions
Message-ID: <227@decwrl.DEC.COM>
Date: Thu, 2-Jan-86 10:26:21 EST
Article-I.D.: decwrl.227
Posted: Thu Jan  2 10:26:21 1986
Date-Received: Fri, 3-Jan-86 04:44:41 EST
Sender: daemon@decwrl.DEC.COM
Organization: Digital Equipment Corporation
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I found this entry within our 'Sexetera' notes file. I browse through
this one once in a while, to see what the het's have been up to.

Anyway, the author of the entry is quoting from a book titled "Male Sexuality"
by Zilbergeld. The topic in discussion is about men suppressing their emotions.
It totally blew me away to find that most of the contributing men agreed
more-or-less with the following extract. I would *explode* if I was unable
to express myself emotionally to friends and intimate partners. Are we really
that different?!?!

(eric looking over the rim of his rose colored glasses... and then pushing
 them back up  ``shudder'')!


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 ::      	           The world's favorite pastime        31-DEC-1985 17:46
 Note 186.25                 Myths About Sex (Male)                   25 of 28
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"We learn early that only a narrow range of emotion is permitted to us:
aggressiveness, competitiveness, anger, joviality, and the feelings associated
with being in control.  As we grow older, sexual feelings are added to the
list.  Weakness, confusion, fear, vulnerablity, tenderness, compassion and
sensuality are allowed only to girls and women.  A boy who exhibits any such
traits is likely to be made fun of and called a sissy or girl (and what could
be more devastating).

We end up either consistently denying to ourselves that we have any of the
taboo feelings or, if we do acknowledge them, we are careful to hide them
from others and often worry about the consequences of being found out.  We
are convinced that others will find us unacceptable if we reveal certain
feeling or qualities, and so we go thru life blocking huge portions of our
lives.

It is no wonder that close relationships are, at least, very difficult for
men.  Looking at the feeling prohibited to use, we can begin to understand
why we have so much trouble relating to others.  What kins of relationships
can be based on aggressiveness, competitiveness, anger, sex, and joviality?
How can there be closeness without compassion, tenderness, caring, trust,
vulnerability-all emotions not allowed for men?
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eric \|/