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From: woods@hao.UUCP (Greg Woods)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: sensitivity
Message-ID: <1892@hao.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 26-Dec-85 12:24:16 EST
Article-I.D.: hao.1892
Posted: Thu Dec 26 12:24:16 1985
Date-Received: Sat, 28-Dec-85 01:32:07 EST
References: <14145@rochester.UUCP> <1849@uwmacc.UUCP>
Organization: High Altitude Obs./NCAR, Boulder CO
Lines: 33

>    Sure, but he slipped in one comment which I believe was never brought up by
> the est/Lifespring people, and which may go a long way toward converging the two
> viewpoints.  This was that they taught you not that you can choose to feel
> however you want, but that you can choose to accept the way you feel.  I was
> one of the "can't choose" crowd, but *that* I can agree with.

  I think the real problem in that whole discussion was the meaning of the word
"choose". I think the "can't choose" crowd (as you call it) was getting a 
little angry because of confusion over what was meant by "choose". I suspect
they imagined someone consciously deciding "OK, I'm going to feel good today".
I think you are right that choosing to ACCEPT how you feel (as opposed to
resisting it or wishing you didn't feel that way) is much closer to the mark.
Think of it this way: suppose you feel bad, and you spend a lot of energy
wishing you didn't feel bad or wishing that what is causing you to feel bad
had not happened. How do you suppose *that* will make you feel? On the other
hand, suppose you simply decide to accept the fact that what happened, happened,
and that you feel bad about it. How does *that* make you feel? No, it is not
an instant cure for depression but it seems obvious that the latter approach
would lead to feeling less bad and for a shorter time. In this light
it would seem we DO have at least *some* control over our feelings. However,
I don't think anyone really wants to say that you can decide not to feel
depressed and suddenly *poof* you feel good. It doesn't work that way. If it
did, why would anyone choose to feel bad? They wouldn't, of course. 
Conclusion? No one has instant full control over their feelings, but I think
we DO have a choice in how we *react* to our feelings which in turn does
have *some* influence over how we feel.

--Greg
--
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