Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: Notesfiles $Revision: 1.7.0.10 $; site uiucdcs
Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbosgd!ihnp4!inuxc!pur-ee!uiucdcs!bentrup
From: bentrup@uiucdcs.CS.UIUC.EDU
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: responsibility, sensitivity, the us
Message-ID: <26600151@uiucdcs>
Date: Tue, 31-Dec-85 20:57:00 EST
Article-I.D.: uiucdcs.26600151
Posted: Tue Dec 31 20:57:00 1985
Date-Received: Thu, 2-Jan-86 00:44:06 EST
References: <2338@pyuxd.UUCP>
Lines: 42
Nf-ID: #R:pyuxd.UUCP:2338:uiucdcs:26600151:000:1832
Nf-From: uiucdcs.CS.UIUC.EDU!bentrup    Dec 31 19:57:00 1985



/* Written 12:26 pm  Dec 29, 1985 by pooh@unirot.UUCP in uiucdcs:net.singles */
>I have a question for everyone:  WHY should these depressed people
>get over it?

>For you?  Is your best friend offending you by being depressed?
>Is it taking too long?  Do you hate to see someone depressed for
>a reason that only you know about?  And they won't even LISTEN
>to you when you try to tell them what their problem is.  Gosh.  <-- sarcasm

>How about for themselves?  How about letting your friend get
>over it when HE's good and ready, whatever that takes?  It's HIS
>depression, after all.  Help him if he wants it--but don't take
>it as a personal affront if he doesn't.

>Let's stop prescribing for other people and just work on what
>WE want to accomplish for ourselves.

>Cheers,
>Pooh          topaz!unipress!pooh
>              topaz!unirot!pooh
/* End of text from uiucdcs:net.singles */

I used to agree with this view, but I had a friend (not a 'best' friend)
that I had known for about 10 years.  For all of the years I had known him
he was somewhat sullen/depressed.  The two of us and a mutual friend had
lunch in 83.  He seemed more depressed than usual, but the mutual friend &
I surmised that he was his old self and because we hadn't seen him in 3-4
years, merely 'seemed' more depressed.  About three months later he killed
himself.  I don't blame myself for his death, but perhaps if I or someone 
HAD made his depression our  business, he might still be alive today.

Friendship carries the responsibility of concern.  Sometimes when one is 
deeply depressed they can no longer see reality.  For these individuals 
it may be necessary for a friend to be 'meddlesome', not by coming up 
with some home brew recipe to cheer-em-up, but by seeing that they
seek and receive professional help.

Happy New Years!

John