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From: pooh@unirot.UUCP (Pooh)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: sensitivity
Message-ID: <270@unirot.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 2-Jan-86 10:34:27 EST
Article-I.D.: unirot.270
Posted: Thu Jan  2 10:34:27 1986
Date-Received: Fri, 3-Jan-86 04:21:15 EST
References: <14145@rochester.UUCP> <1849@uwmacc.UUCP> <1892@hao.UUCP> <362@l5.uucp> <266@unirot.UUCP> <1870@utcsri.UUCP>
Reply-To: pooh@unirot.UUCP (Pooh)
Organization: The Soup Kitchen, Piscataway NJ
Lines: 60

In article <1870@utcsri.UUCP> ray@utcsri.UUCP (Raymond Allen) writes:
>	This would be fine if people would only keep *their* depression(s)
>to themselves.  What may happen, however, is that depressed people insist
>upon telling everyone in sight about how miserable their own life is and
>how they wish they could do something about it but they can't because
>someone or something won't let them and the entire human population
>are a bunch of insensitive cretins and ... (etc. etc. ad nauseum).
>[~ 1/8 of a :-)]

I have encountered this too, Ray, but I've also found that some
depressed people just want someone to listen to them.  It doesn't
hurt just to say, "I'm really sorry you're feeling this way,"
mean it, and leave it at that.   You can offer support without
offering to solve their problems FOR them.

>
>	I can understand someone wanting to wallow in self-pity.  I
>have done it myself.  But I do feel that I have learned enough about
>life to offer people some constructive suggestions as to how to live
>a fuller, happier life (excuse the honey).  

Change that to "offer people some constructive suggestions as to
how *I* live a fuller, happier life" and that's great.  I've got a
lot of those, too (send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to
How Pooh Is Happy, P.O.O.H. Box 666, Usenet), but they may not
be workable or desirable for someone else.

>If someone is not interested
>in listening to me (as is their right) then I believe that I have the
>same right not to listen to them.

Sure you do!  Or you can listen, and refuse to let their depression
bring you down.  But what are you saying here?  "If you won't take
my advice, I'm not going to sympathize with you"?  That doesn't strike
me as very helpful either.

>	Excuse me if the above statements sound inflammatory.  I am
>not trying to bake anyone but I am trying to point out that
>depressed, unhappy individuals often try to force everyone else
>to share their misery while self-fulfilled, confident individuals
>will try to help others help themselves.  By the way, I don't approve
>of preaching.  I never offer advice unless it is asked for.

I'm not sure whether you can accuse someone of trying to make
you as miserable as he is.  Does anyone go around with that conscious
intention?  I think it's more that someone who is depressed would
like to have his feelings acknowledged and empathized with.
Unfortunately, empathy means feeling the same thing, so we tend
to accuse someone of wanting us to be depressed too.  I think
you CAN share someone's feelings, say, "Wow, that's really awful,
it must be very frustrating for you," and NOT let it affect your
own mood.

Oh, by the way, Happy New Year to everyone. . .:-)

Cheers,
Pooh           topaz!unipress!pooh
               topaz!unirot!pooh

Hey, kids, it's Moose Lobotomy Time!