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From: mpm_a037@jhunix.UUCP (Stdnt 037)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Help, I don't know how to ROT-13 (Offensive to priests)
Message-ID: <1487@jhunix.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 23-Dec-85 00:41:26 EST
Article-I.D.: jhunix.1487
Posted: Mon Dec 23 00:41:26 1985
Date-Received: Tue, 14-Jan-86 07:58:05 EST
Reply-To: your local neighborhood priest@jhunix
Organization: Johns Hopkins Univ. Computing Ctr.
Lines: 44


A young priest had to give his first mass.  Being unaccustomed (O.K., I can't
spell) to speaking in public, he was unduly nervous.  Figuring on recieving
help from the more experienced, he went up to the bishop, asking for a few
hints on how to get rid of opening sacrament jitters.

"Relax," replied the bishop.  "Before mass, take a half a shot of gin, half
a shot of water, and you'll be fine." (I warned you it might be offensive!)

The neophyte priest, thus armed with sage asvice, proceeded to live on until
the day of his first job.  At which point he proceeded to take a beer mug,
fill it with gin, and drink it all in one gulp.  He gave mass; he gave his
sermon; he felt perfect.  Afterwards, he wobbled over to the bishop and asked
about his performance.

"You did fine, Father" replied the bishop,"except for a few *minor* 
corrections.  

"Number one, there were ten commandments, not twelve.

"Number two, there were twelve apostles, not ten.

"Number three, David slew Goliath, he didn't beat the sh*t out of him.

"Number four, we don't refer to Jesus Christ as the late, great J.C.  

"Number five, we are having a taffy stretching contest at St. Peter's, not
 a peter stretching contest at St. Taffy's.

"And finally, we don't refer to the Father (or, as I prefer, Parent), the Son
and the Holy Ghost as Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook."



     I just wanted to send this joke in recognition of the holiday spirit.
If it offends you, I'm sorry, but what the hell.  I'm Jewish anyway.  This
joke was, however, told to me by a Priest.

     Happy apropriate remark, and drive safely on New Years.  I want to 
subject you to my bad jokes and postings in '86.  Sorta gives you a reason
to live, huh?

-Ron Zucker
  charter member of D.A.M.M.-Drunks Against Mad(d) Mothers.