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From: melnick@ucla-cs.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Mangled lyrics and deaf accountants (potentially offensive)
Message-ID: <8355@ucla-cs.ARPA>
Date: Tue, 14-Jan-86 11:44:51 EST
Article-I.D.: ucla-cs.8355
Posted: Tue Jan 14 11:44:51 1986
Date-Received: Thu, 16-Jan-86 04:34:37 EST
Reply-To: melnick@ucla-cs.UUCP (Alex Melnick)
Organization: UCLA Computer Science Department
Lines: 56

[Replace this line with a Taylor-series approximation to reality.]

Do you remember the English Beat's "Save It for Later"?  Some friends of
mine insist that the singer is actually saying "Save it, fellator."  I have
to say that I'm not sure they're wrong.  Remember the Stones' "Honky Tonk
Women," in which the line "I laid a divorcee in New York City," became (on
the official lyric sheet) "I played a divorcee..."?

Have you ever noticed that on the Beatles' "Girl," when Paul & George are
singing "Dit-dit-dit-dit...," John sings "Tit-tit-tit-tit..."?  And on
"Shimmy, Shimmy" (on the Hamburg Star Club album), John can very plainly
be heard to sing "Shitty, Shitty."

A joke?  I thought I was posting this to net.music.lyrics.mangled.  Here's
a joke I heard from comedian Chris Langham:

Several years ago I worked as a bank clerk.  (Honest!)  In our branch, we
had this one accountant who was very good, but he was deaf and dumb.  Bril-
liant mathematical mind, he just had this communication problem.  Fortunately,
we had this other fellow who could interpret for him whenever the manager
needed to give him instructions, or when we wanted to invite him round to the
debating society.

One day, the manager discovered that several hundred thousand pounds were
missing--gone completely.  He traced it eventually to the deaf and dumb
accountant.  His first instinct was to call the police, but he figured that
since he was dealing with a "handicapped" person, he should at least give
the fellow a hearing, as it were.  So he called the interpreter and the
accountant into his office and said to the interpreter, "Tell him that I
know he took the money and if he'll just return it I won't press charges."

The interpreter passed this along to the accountant and then gave the
manager the accountant's response:  "What money?  I don't know anything
about it!"

The manager got a gun out of his desk and held it to the accountant's head,
saying, "Tell him that if he doesn't tell me where the money is, I'm going
to blow his bloody brains out!"

The interpreter signed this to the accountant, who frantically responded,
"All right!  Don't shoot!  I'll tell you where the money is!  It's in a
safe deposit box in the ________ Bank in Zurich.  The key is in a shoe
box in the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet in my study at home, Number
____, King's Road."

The manager watched all this and asked the interpreter, "Well, what did he
say?"

The interpreter paused a moment, searching for the right words, and said,
"He says, 'Go fuck yourself.'"

--Alex Melnick
Net:  melnick@ucla-cs.edu
Phone:  (213) 828-6670

"But somehow it isn't only not just the words, isn't it?"