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From: brianu@ada-uts.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Cray-7 Users Guide
Message-ID: <14700005@ada-uts.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 14-Jan-86 13:21:00 EST
Article-I.D.: ada-uts.14700005
Posted: Tue Jan 14 13:21:00 1986
Date-Received: Thu, 23-Jan-86 21:06:40 EST
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Nf-From: ada-uts!brianu    Jan 14 13:21:00 1986


Cray-7 User's Guide                                   July 30, 1996

     Congratulations on your purchase of the fabulous new Cray-7
  computer.  With proper care your new computer can give you many
  years of useful work and play.  Just follow these simple guide-
  lines and all will be well.
  
     1. The new tachyonics-based CPU can be dangerous to unshielded
  organisms.  Always remember to keep clear of the tachyon chamber
  when the power is on.  Tachyon radiation can be hazardous to your
  age.
  
     2. As with all sensitive equipment, keep water and moisture out
  of the CPU and peripheral equipment.
  
     3. Whenever the CPU is in compute mode, stay at least seven feet
  outside the shield walls.  When computing, the CPU uses computrons
  at a rate hithertofore unknown to Man.  This causes a "computron
  vacuum" in the immediate vicinity.  Thus the CPU may suck up the
  informational content of your DNA should you stray too close.
  
     4. Due to the local up-grade of the speed of light around the
  Cray-7's Virtually Infinite Associative Memory (VIAM), it is
  imperative that the computer be kept in a dark room.  Strong light
  will crash the system, and can do irreparable harm to the hardware.
  
     5. Never put on the High-speed Analog Bionic Interface (HSABI)
  until the system has completed its automatic check-out sequence.
  When the Omniscience option is present, this can cause a positive
  Zen feedback, resulting in total psyche burnout.  It should be
  avoided, except for an advanced soul under guidance.
  
     6.  And above all, never, never feed the Cray-7 after midnight.
     
     
     
Brian Utterback
Intermetrics Inc.
733 Concord Ave. Cambridge MA. 02138. (617) 661-1840
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