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From: feldman@tle.DEC (Gary Feldman)
Newsgroups: net.motss
Subject: Dating?
Message-ID: <267@decwrl.DEC.COM>
Date: Mon, 6-Jan-86 01:02:11 EST
Article-I.D.: decwrl.267
Posted: Mon Jan  6 01:02:11 1986
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Back in my more carefree days, the mechanics of cruising were easy (even if the
success rate was less than spectacular).  We'd meet, dance, go home and screw,
etc.  If I slept with the same guy more than once within a short time span, then
I'd feel justified in at least entertaining thoughts of romance (not that I was
ever into these whirlwind affairs that seem so common).  I also wouldn't chase
after someone who was clearly just sleeping around, since my assumption would be
that he's just interested in sex and not in romance.  (Nothing wrong with that,
just not what I wanted.)

Now, however, the tables are turned, the rules have changed (at least mine have,
for a variety of reasons), and I'm following a more traditional (dare I say 
heterosexual) approach to dating.  Unfortunately, I never bothered to learn how
to date back when I was in school.

First, I wonder how gay men react to dating someone who is also dating others. 
Currently, I'm a little reluctant to give totally honest excuses such as "I
can't go with you Friday because I already have another date".  I guess I'm not
quite used to the idea of "dating many, sleeping with none", and I'm afraid that
my friends will share this confusion and turn it into distrust or dismissal.

Second, how does one turn a platonic friendship into a romantic relationship?
Or perhaps a better question is how long should it take?  I'm so used to 
sex first that part of me is very impatient, while the more rational parts of me
are torn between the risks of moving too quickly and the risks of moving too 
slowly. 

I apologize for making this so personal, but it seemed the best way to provide
context.  I hope this will turn into a general discussion of dating and changing
social practices of gay men, and not into a session of amateur psychoanalysis.

   Gary

Generic disclaimer: These opinions are my own, and I certainly hope my employer
has neither an interest nor an opinion on my private life.
---------
Nashua, NH: Where the men are a lot more interesting than they were where I
used to live.