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From: peterson@tle.DEC (Bob Peterson at Spitbrook  DTN 381-2106)
Newsgroups: net.motss
Subject: Re: Dating?
Message-ID: <308@decwrl.DEC.COM>
Date: Tue, 7-Jan-86 18:14:04 EST
Article-I.D.: decwrl.308
Posted: Tue Jan  7 18:14:04 1986
Date-Received: Wed, 8-Jan-86 20:48:33 EST
Sender: daemon@decwrl.DEC.COM
Organization: Digital Equipment Corporation
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This was longer than I wanted it, but it's been carefully whittled to be
as economical as possible.
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The tables have turned for me as well.  Threat of disease has always been
present, so I consider it merely as adding force, not as having made me
turn.  Since this has been a gradual experience yet only a recent decision
(to restructure "dating" style) I also don't know what to do.

But I can theorize and invent a few things.  Whether I can find anyone to play
along is one judgement criterion to apply to any "style" of romancing and
eventually (for me) settling down with one guy.

I guess what I've considered is as follows.  Have mercy when critiquing
me please.  Being gay is exciting in that I can freely experiment.  It's
also stressing in that I *have* to freely experiment.
My shrink says I try to structure things too much - can you tell  :-)

Summary:
	Dating - one or more people, friends or "strangers", open, nonsexual.
	Steady - one person, sexual, no dating, live apart (well, weekends
		and such deserve a bit of sharing living quarters!)
	Partners - "Married".  Whatever this may mean to the people involved.
		Financial sharing, living quarters usually shared.
	--------------------------------------------------------------------
	Friends - we always have friends, personal and shared with partners.

TIME    +---------+
  |     | friends | 
  V	| as      +-----------+
	| usual   > dating    |
	|         > 1 or more +--------+
	|         >           > Going  |
	|         +-----------+ Steady +-------------+
	|         |           |        >             |
	|         |           +--------+             |
	|         |                    | Partnership |
	|         |                    +-------------+
	|         |
	|         |
	|         |
	+---------+

-------------------------DISCLAIMER: "gay" vs "Gay"--------------------------
I admit much of this may seem based on traditional het styles.  I did not
set out to mimic.  I am not ashamed to be "straight" in some ways.  It's
a topic for another note, but the Gay fad for being snooty about all that
is heterosexually traditional bugs the h*ll out of me.  Being "Gay" is a
style as being "straight acting" is a style.  Being gay sexually doesn't
mean I have to be Gay in my choice of food, entertainment, cars, sports,
or political opinions.  Or my style of dating.
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With all this ado said and done, comments are invited.  I hope having a
solid model to work from is useful.
 
I've answered one of the original question but failed to shed light on how one
starts dating a friend.  Except that it is perhaps a natural process of seeing
someone regularly; it also requires being un-male-like honest about growing
feelings.

\bob	usenet: decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-vaxwrk!peterson
/\	arpa:	peterson%vaxwrk.DEC@decwrl.ARPA
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Nashua NH: I don't live there but it's beginning to sound intriguing.