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From: ALAN@NCSUVM.BITNET
Newsgroups: net.poems
Subject: My Life and Times.
Message-ID: <94@NCSUVM>
Date: Thu, 16-Jan-86 21:30:21 EST
Article-I.D.: NCSUVM.94
Posted: Thu Jan 16 21:30:21 1986
Date-Received: Sun, 19-Jan-86 03:43:35 EST
Lines: 52

More and more I think.
(C)opy (W)ritten by me.  I swear.
---------------------------------
Alone--Sleepy, yet awake with fire.
Fire and Ice are before me, I freeze
   and burn in the presence-
     
Of what I study, nothing matters,
my work leads me on to fields where I
play--work and play are equal, neither
     
Matters of life and death, they are what
I care for.  Nobody to care for.  Lonely,
yet very much together.  I, as one am not
afraid, but as the parts, I am terrified.
     
Aloud I yell, quietly I die.  Small parts die--
While the Body thrives, they care not.  The parts
as such care not.  As the whole they Love--
     
The names--VMSYSTEM--ALAN--RELAY--they matter little,
yet they carry me over the fields.  Where I play--work--
care, yet can not care enough.  My life burns as I play--
the years burn down around my head.  I watch, with unblinking
     
Eyes are the root.  I am scared by the eyes.  I can't tell where
the eyes are.  They watch me all the time.  I have gotten used to them.
The life eludes me--I should be elsewhere--elsetime--
I care--but am not allowed to care.  I burn like I should not--
     
I live--die--sleep--awake--all--nothing-- I am afraid to show
     
Feelings run deep.  They wash over me, flaming as I swim in
the pools that others have already left.  I work.  I drown.
The work is nothing.  Yet, it is everything I have.  It is what
     
I work when I must not--yet, I work and work and work and work--
What I do matters, but then, what matters?  Life?  not mine!
Liberty is the persuit of what you wish to persue.  I can not--
it is humor that I even work here.  MacDonalds!  Ho! I could work--
Yet, it matters SO LITTLE!
     


---------
     
           Alan Clegg            USMail: 2801-23 Brigadoon Drive
        "I am NOT a crook"               Raleigh, NC  27606
                                 Bitnet: ALAN@NCSUVM
     Home Bell: (919) 851-3246   ARPA:   ALAN%NCSUVM.BITNET@wiscvm
     Work Bell: (919) 737-3035   UUCP:   ALAN%NCSUVM.BITNET@psuvaxg
     Play Bell: (919) 831-0708