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From: barry@ames.UUCP (Kenn Barry)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Other SO's
Message-ID: <1348@ames.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 18-Jan-86 17:13:16 EST
Article-I.D.: ames.1348
Posted: Sat Jan 18 17:13:16 1986
Date-Received: Mon, 20-Jan-86 06:09:52 EST
Distribution: net
Organization: NASA-Ames Research Center, Mtn. View, CA
Lines: 47

From Terry Grevstad (nrcvax!terry):
>richw@ada-uts.UUCP says:
>>
>>Please let me know if anyone feels this question is inappropriate for
>>net.women -- I post it here because of the quality of discussion
>>that generally prevails.

	I think this topic is clearly best suited to net.singles, and have
therefore posted this response only here.

>>If a woman begins to enter a serious relationship outside her current
>>serious relationship ("affair" is the term for married women), should
>>she tell her current SO?
>
>IN MY OPINION:                   (please note:  this is *MY OPINION*)
>
>If you are in a "serious relationship" *outside of marriage*, and you
>want to look around you, then by all means, tell the other people
>involved what you are doing!

	I agree.

>If you are in a "serious relationship" that equals marriage, you have
>no business looking around.  If you find you *are* looking around, I
>don't think you are that serious about your marriage.

	I see a hidden premise here: that commitment = exclusivity. I see
nothing contradictory in a person's being entirely committed to their spouse
(i.e., in love, committed for life, and willing to do their part) while still
wanting or having other relationships in their life which include sex.  Rich
Wagner's original question did not (far as I can see) specify that the
spouse/SO was looking for a way out of their primary relationship, only that
they were interested in other relationships.

>Marriage
>requires commitment on both sides.  What that means is you have
>already decided to *stop* looking around and keep what you have.

	I quite agree with this, as long as it is not assumed that commitment
includes sexual fidelity. I see no reason why every couple cannot decide for
themselves if their commitment includes sexual fidelity.

-  From the Crow's Nest  -                      Kenn Barry
                                                NASA-Ames Research Center
                                                Moffett Field, CA
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