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From: thoma@reed.UUCP (Ann Muir Thomas)
Newsgroups: net.singles,net.women
Subject: Re: Mid-Life Crisis (really relationships)
Message-ID: <2340@reed.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 19-Jan-86 16:34:16 EST
Article-I.D.: reed.2340
Posted: Sun Jan 19 16:34:16 1986
Date-Received: Mon, 20-Jan-86 22:35:49 EST
References: <481@ssc-vax.UUCP>
Reply-To: thoma@reed.UUCP (Ann Muir Thomas)
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Organization: Reed College, Portland, Oregon
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Xref: decwrl net.singles:10364 net.women:8740


(BTW, I am cross posting this, since I feel that the subject matter is
appropriate to both net.singles and net.women.)

(The original article was about a mid-30's woman who was discovering that
a good career alone is not enough for happiness.)

Many times I have wondered what I am giving up in terms of friends/family
in order to pursue a degree & career (hopefully) in psychology.  When I
escape the ivory tower at age 27 or so, will I have found that life has passed
me by?  What I so often find missing in my life is love, and far too many
of the people in my environment "don't have the time" for "silly" things
like relationships, long talks, closeness etc., yet they complain about
being lonely.  Phone conversations and e-mail with friends who are at a
distance can only do so much.

As a woman, I feel that I face more difficulties in this area.  One is:
are there any men out there who would "follow" me around for the next 5
years until I complete my education?  I had a long talk with one of my
professors about the nature of relationships in academia, and he concluded,
sadly, that women seem much more willing to "follow" their (male) SOs, 
perhaps because men are expected to have "better" careers than women.  He
admitted that his own wife had "followed" him, and regretted having
harmed her academic career in this way.  (they are "gypsy professors" who
basically move from visiting assistantship to visiting assistantship, and
he has been the one to get offered jobs.).  I know what it's like to leave
an SO behind when I return to college-- *very* painful; so far, college has
won out, but I don't know how many more times I am going to go through
breakups caused by "situational" factors.

Sometimes life is a bitch.

Ann Muir Thomas

*************************************************************

"If I could throw these lifeless lifelines to the winds/leave this heart
of clay/and watch you walk away/into the night/and into the rain/into
the half-lights/ and into the fray...." --U2