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From: features@ihuxf.UUCP (aMAZon)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Mid-Life Crisis (really relationships)
Message-ID: <2784@ihuxf.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 21-Jan-86 13:12:14 EST
Article-I.D.: ihuxf.2784
Posted: Tue Jan 21 13:12:14 1986
Date-Received: Thu, 23-Jan-86 02:39:26 EST
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Andy Cohill (ihnp4!mhuxd!amc) writes:
> > Is it possible that we young professionals are so wrapped up in
> > our careers, material things, and our work so as to neglect what is really 
> > important? (this is a rhetorical question) > -----
> > Glen Fujimori	
> 
> The answer is a resounding "YES!" Nearly everysingle woman I know
> well (all in their mid to late thirties) is struggling with whether
> to put family or career first.  I have to report that careers are
> winning, by at least two to one (about ten women in the sample).

Of course, what rules do we have to play by in the workplace in
order to stay even, let alone get ahead?  Ought not the rules of
work be changed to accomodate?  Cottage industries, at least, are
good for that.  Both parents can stay home & watch the children.

> Those that have chosen to start a family are trying to have a career
> at the same time. Not a single one has decided to stay home...
	Talk about *starting* a family?  Didn't they do that when
they got married?  All the weddings I've been to recently made it
clear that the husband and wife *were* a new family, just by
themselves.
> To keep
> the foam-at-the-mouth feminists happy, none of the men in these
> relationships has offered to stay home, either (something I would be
> willing to do, were I in that situation.

(Andy, it's wonderful if you'd actually do it.  I know too many men
who say they would, yet when the babies arrive they barely know
how to change a diaper.)
> 
> Fact is, it is hard to meet women who even want a family.

	This I've got to respond to.  I want a family.  I am searching
for family.  I am building family.  Of course your definition and
mine on family may be different.  I am an orphan, and an only 
child.  Talk about being left alone!  So I've got a lot of quasi-
brothers and sisters, nieces & nephews.  You know how hard it is
to maintain such a network?  Yet, for now, that's the best one
I can find myself bonding to.  It would sure make things simpler
if all I had to do was maintain a strong relationship with one
man, and whatever children we may have in our home.  If I never
arrive at that situation, then I'll have the friendships which
I've devoted a lot of time & effort to (you know who you are!)

> They all
> want a career. Nothing wrong with that, except I tend to agree with
> Glen. Boy, are these ladies going to be an unhappy bunch in about
> twenty years. (Now I am going to get flamed). Some of my best women
> friends categorically refuse even to "date", or whatever we call it
> these days, preferring to concentrate on their career instead.

Actually, I'd like to "date"; it's just that you take your average
CS person who works a nominal 40-hour week (which is often more
like 60), add school into the mix, throw in a couple of corollary
organizations, and add the time to maintain existing friendships,
and you don't have a whole lot of time left over.  If he can
feel that dating would mean leaning over my shoulder in the CS lab
as I debug my latest homework, fine. 
	BUT, Andy, realize this:
If I didn't work, I wouldn't *have* a home to stay in.  That's
the curse of every self-supporting individual.  I'd be happy
to make the economic exchange...my labor in our household for his
monetary support.  It just hasn't happened yet, and I cannot
wait for Prince Charming to show up without doing something
to support myself in the meantime.
	Any advice now?
	
-- 

aMAZon @ AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL; ihnp4!ihuxf!features
					 *open to possibilities*