Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/5/84; site mmm.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!cbosgd!ihnp4!mmm!cipher From: cipher@mmm.UUCP (Andre Guirard) Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: Minnehaha (Episode 4) Message-ID: <449@mmm.UUCP> Date: Tue, 4-Feb-86 10:25:12 EST Article-I.D.: mmm.449 Posted: Tue Feb 4 10:25:12 1986 Date-Received: Fri, 7-Feb-86 06:08:38 EST Reply-To: cipher@mmm.UUCP (Andre Guirard) Organization: 3M Company, St. Paul, Minn. Lines: 111 Summary: The continuing saga of a fool and his money References: The story so far: Hiawatha discovers island Minnehaha, moves to Hong Kong, writes book. Father Hennepin, hearing that the island is the hiding place of the famous Orrid Nast, an obscenely expensive jewel, goes to Hong Kong with his Indian companion Suey and, disguising himself as a harmless encyclopedia salesman, manages to trick Hiawatha into telling him the location of the island. As he leaves Hiawatha's house, howeer, he is followed by a sinister figure. PART 3: AN ALARMING ENCOUNTER Father Hennepin strolled along the darkened street, whistling, "I Get a Kick Out of You." Coming to a street corner, he lounged against the grimy wall of a massage parlor to wait for a caravan of wagons laden with pickup sticks to creak clowly past. Feeling a tugging at his sleeve, Father Hennepin looked around, startled, and realized that he was being accosted by a plain-looking middle-aged woman wearing horn-rimmed glasses, health shoes and a shapeless gray dress. The pale light of the pickup sticks gave her face an eerie pallor. She tried to give him ragged pamphlets with pictures of obscure medical conditions on them. She urged him to become a vegetarian, a teetotaler, and a non-smoker. Father Hennepin cast about frantically for some means of escape. Suddenly, inspiration struck. He rushed over to one of the wagons and grabbed up two pickup sticks, held them up in a cross shape and bandished this at the woman, shouting, "Back, back!" Defeated, she retreated into the shadows, muttering crossly. Father Hennepin took off his coat and shook it. Several pamphlets fell out onto the pavement. He put his coat back on, adjusted his hat, and with a supercilious, "Hmmph!" continued on his way. The smell of old fish and bad wine eventually led Father Hennepin to the infamous Green Dragon Bar. The door opened with a loud creak and a swirl of opium smoke billowed out into the night. As Father Hennepin entered the clamor died down and for a moment all eyes were upon him. The door swung shut with an ominous "click." Father Hennepin's eyes roamed the room, lit upon a slouching figure at the bar. Threading his way among the tables, Father Hennepin approached the bar and sat on a ratty stool. The bartender, a small Chinaman with patches of mold on his antique clothes, approached. "Gin," Father Hennepin said, carefully keeping his voice steady. "Make it a double." The bar grew noisy again as the customers went back to their own mysterious pursuits. "Are you the Captain of the _Santa_Jones_?" Father Hennepin spoke in a low voice to the grimy man he had seated himself near. The stubbled face turned to him with an unpleasant sneer. The man adjusted his eyepatch, which had slipped partway down his face. "What if I am?" he rumbled. Father Hennepin took a sip of his drink and grimaced. "If you are Captain Foo, I want to hire your boat." The man spat. "Aye, the _Santa_Jones_ is my scow, all right. What'll you be wanting with 'er then?" Father Hennepin described his mission, carefully omitting any mention of the Orrid Nast. "Our departure must be made in the utmost secrecy," he added in a whisper. Captain Foo sat silently for a moment. "It'll cost ya. Five hundred guilders, not a penny less. And," he added, glancing significantly at the pamphlet on "The Evils of Smoking" which protruded from under Father Hennepin's hatband, "Smokin' is allowed on my ship." "You want to be paid in guilders?" Father Hennepin asked incredulously, and then as Captain Foo turned as if to leave, said, "All right, all right. That can be arranged. I agree to your price." Suddenly there was silence again in the bar. Turning to see what it was, Father Hennepin spied Suey in the back of the bar, walking around in a crouch and peering under the tables. "Yeek!" he yelped, and rushed over to the table where three burly men were glaring at the part of Suey that protruded from under their table and starting to get up. "Sorry," he said, "she didn't mean anything by it. It's all right, sit down, I'll take care of it." Tugging her out from under the table and over to the bar, he whispered fiercely, "I thought I told you to stay at the hotel. You could have gotten yourself killed. You still might," he added nervously, glancing over at the three men, who, so far from taking his advice and sitting down, were advancing menacingly. There was silence except for glasses clinking and a baby crying somewhere in the back. "Well, I guess we'll be going," Father Hennepin said hurriedly, plunking down a coin on the counter to pay for his drink. "Six o'clock tomorrow," he whispered to the captain, "don't forget." Then he and Suey made a hasty exit through the street door, walking quickly away in case the three decided to follow. "Just what do you think you were doing in there," he asked after they were safely around a corner with no sign of pursuit. "Why did you leave the hotel?" "Butch, baby, don't be angry! I saw the cutest little duckie on the road and I had to have it. I followed it, and it led me to that horrid place. Who was that nasty man you were talking to?" Not waiting for an answer, she cried, "Look, my duckie-poo!" A couple of blocks ahead, a handsome duck was just rounding the corner. "Come on honey, let's catch it and make it a pet." Early the next morning, Father Hennepin and Suey showed up at the dock with all their spelunking equipment, several boxes of uncooked spaghetti with which to appease the members of the Eagle Claw Tong, and a paper bag in which to put the Orrid Nast when they found it. It was a long way to Minnehaha, and Father Hennepin and Suey spent long hours sitting in deck chairs gazing at the ocean when they were not engaged in other pursuits. They spoke of this and that, and the duck, which Suey had eventually captured by baiting it with french fries, rested under Suey's chair and quacked contentedly. The weather was fair, and so there was little reason for anyone to mention umbrellas. NEXT: A NEAR THING FOR POOR DUCKIE-POO -- ===+=== Andre Guirard /@ @\ The eyes have it. /_____\ ihnp4!mmm!cipher ( @ @ ) Beanies ahoy! \ _ / `-'