Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.2 9/18/84; site frog.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!bellcore!decvax!genrad!mit-eddie!cybvax0!frog!wjr From: wjr@frog.UUCP (STella Calvert) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: The Black Dog Message-ID: <635@frog.UUCP> Date: Sun, 9-Feb-86 11:57:38 EST Article-I.D.: frog.635 Posted: Sun Feb 9 11:57:38 1986 Date-Received: Fri, 14-Feb-86 03:28:24 EST References: <1204@lll-crg.ARpA> Reply-To: wjr@x.UUCP (STella Calvert) Organization: The Church of the Holy Starship Lines: 106 Keywords: water, slam-dunking, cabs, full-spectrum lights Summary: Hi! In article <1204@lll-crg.ARpA> booter@lll-crg.ARpA (Elaine Richards) writes: >Interestingly enough, no depressives have really come forth and described it. I think (personal opinion flag set on) that the reason we don't describe it is that we CAN'T. Without sounding whiny and just dripping full of self-pity, being judged as trying for extra strokes, and mostly, because you can't. A fish, I suspect, would do a fairly poor job of describing water. "Well, it's all over the place, it gets in my way when I go anywhere, and I can't imagine life without it." BTW, that's not a bad description of depression. So maybe a fish _could_ describe water. Slogging onward. The reason it's hard for me to describe the pit to non-inhabitants is that nothing is _wrong_. But everything is. There ain't one damn thing I can point out and say, "If I fixed that, things would be better." You spend a lot of time sitting around wishing you had the gumption to suicide, and knowing (and this is a depressing knowledge, when you're IN the pit) that you probably never will get the ambition to check out. >From my position, I can say that it is noone's responsibility but the >depressive's to seek help. I say "seek". You should offer only once or >twice, "Anything I can do?" This allows your friend to realize that help >is available. If they don't want it, they are the only ones to carry any >responsibility. Good advice. And if universally accepted, it would even make it easier to get through a misery. The grimmest thing about being in the greys is having people fuss at you for not pulling up your socks and getting out of it, going on heavy drugs (which scrape the manic end off the cycle and use that lovely euphoria to fill the pit -- no THANKS!) > I finally have figured out my >methods of dealing with it. One, I accept it ,like a arthritic accepts >aching knuckles. Yup! A good many years ago, I was sitting in a gruey little room thinking how much better my life would be if I _were_ suicidal. And the line came to me, "I'd jump in front of a bus, but the buses aren't running, and I'm too lazy to call a cab." I broke up, laughed so hard I strained my back. This probably doesn't make a lot of sense to the pitless people, but every depressive I've shared it with KNEW what I meant. What really got/gets me down isn't so much the whole universe turning to slightly rancid shit, but the feeling that I shouldn't feel that way. When I gave myself permission to feel like an emotional disaster looking for a crowded intersection, the tension that was tied in trying to fight my way out LEFT. And one of the most worrying things about a depression is the idea that since it's so universal a problem, the fix must be global too. >Two, I figured out ways to thwart it. Mine aren't FROM >situations, they pick something at random as a reason to exist. Yeah. I call it "slam-dunking". If I catch myself heading into the pit, and take a day or hour off to exhaustively list every single fucked aspect of the entire grey fucked fucking (well, you get the idea....) world, I can catch myself being depressed about something or other that's so damn silly it can even make ME laugh. > Three, I >gave up being shy about it. I always feel better after lots of hugs and >"there there"s. (Not everyone wants that, but I sure do) YES YES YES! Getting your friends trained enough that you can say, "I wanna stay home and wallow in despair" without throwing them into a suicide-prevention panic, having friends you can call and say, "I'm bored with feeling sorry for myself alone, come over and help me snivel", both can be very helpful. And "I need a hug" is a real saver! >So, at least ask your friend if they need anything. Ask twice (gently) so >it sinks in that you love them. But if they make it clear that you should butt out, BUTT THE HELL OUT. When I'm in the pit, I can muster the guts to keep myself semi-assembled, but sometimes I DON'T want to have to be social. I want to hurt people if necessary just to make them go away. And I'd rather be able to say, "Lemme lone, OK" and have it respected. If they say yes, get them out into the sun >and talk (sunlight helps-I KNOW). Not just sunlight. Two Octobers ago, we invested in a full-spectrum tube for the computer-room fluorescent. And by gods the sumbish works. I used to be able to count on a DEEP pit that stretched from mid-November to mid-March, deepening around the solstice when my nightperson proclivities meant I didn't see a crack of daylight for about two weeks. My dips in the pit are now DEcoupled from the seasons, and that, in itself, is almost as good as a cure. (About mid-September I used to start thinking, "Well, it's about time for the bottom to fall out of the world.") So it goes! STella Calvert Every man and every woman is a star. 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