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From: cheryl@batcomputer.TN.CORNELL.EDU (cheryl)
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: Re: Mid-Life Crisis (really relationships)
Message-ID: <184@batcomputer.TN.CORNELL.EDU>
Date: Mon, 27-Jan-86 13:27:43 EST
Article-I.D.: batcompu.184
Posted: Mon Jan 27 13:27:43 1986
Date-Received: Wed, 29-Jan-86 05:34:08 EST
References: <481@ssc-vax.UUCP> <2340@reed.UUCP> <168@batcomputer.TN.CORNELL.EDU> <39@sbcs.UUCP>
Reply-To: cheryl@batcomputer.UUCP ()
Distribution: na
Organization: Theory Center, Cornell University, Ithaca NY
Lines: 57

In article <39@sbcs.UUCP> debray@sbcs.UUCP (Saumya Debray) writes:
>>>What I so often find missing in my life is love, and far too many
>>>of the people in my environment "don't have the time" for "silly" things...
>> 
>> It's better than realizing at age 37 or so that your marriage is a 
>> truly "silly" thing, and that, since you gave up your economic
>> independence for this wonderful thing called love, that your're going
>> to spend the rest of your life broke, divorced AND lonely.  If you
>> opt for the job, you're only lonely.  A good career may not be enough
>> for happiness, but throwing yourself away on some man isn't going to
>> make you happy either.
>> 
>> Cheryl
>
>Of course, if you begin with the premise that love is a "truly silly thing",
>it'll probably end up being self-fulfilling.  Until then, try explaining to
>the sad and lonely successes how economically astute their career decisions
>were.

Look, lonliness does not necessarily accompany a career.  If people
are lonely, do they say, "yeah, I should have never worked for a
living and pinned all of my economic security on someone else, just
to 'be happy' "?  Just try talking to the broke and lonely single
mothers in this world who opted for "happiness."  There's a lot
more of them than these mythical sad and rich types (and I 
have very little sympathy for people who say "money can't buy
happiness"  -- it's their fault if they don't know where to shop!)

>
>In some naive, idealistic way, I believe that happiness and peace of mind
>are worth more, in the long run, than riches and fame.  I'd rather die
>poor-and-happy than rich-and-miserable (though being happy-and-rich has its
>advantages, to be sure! :-).  

Happiness & peace of mind, in the long run, is not to be portrayed as the
sole domain of married, non-working women.  Remember the suicide rate
for married women.  


>For this reason, I just can't understand
>reasoning along the lines of "Well, love and marriage just possibly might
>not work out, so why risk it? let's hack careers instead".

	That's not the reasoning.  As long as women refuse to
	take responsibility for their own happiness and 
	fulfillment and economic security, seeking all of
	these things to be taken care of by somebody else,
	will women be unhappy.  

	The MYTH that "love & marriage" is the key to
	a woman's happiness is a LIE.  If you're not
	critically-minded enough to cut through the
	myths and look around you, then that's your 
	problem.


Cheryl