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From: cheryl@batcomputer.TN.CORNELL.EDU (cheryl)
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: Re: Re: Career vs. Relationship?
Message-ID: <191@batcomputer.TN.CORNELL.EDU>
Date: Thu, 30-Jan-86 06:45:25 EST
Article-I.D.: batcompu.191
Posted: Thu Jan 30 06:45:25 1986
Date-Received: Sat, 1-Feb-86 01:36:05 EST
References: <481@ssc-vax.UUCP> <2340@reed.UUCP> <2341@reed.UUCP> <8653@amdcad.UUCP> <181@batcomputer.TN.CORNELL.EDU> <51@oucs.UUCP>
Reply-To: cheryl@batcomputer.UUCP ()
Distribution: na
Organization: Theory Center, Cornell University, Ithaca NY
Lines: 90

In article <51@oucs.UUCP> tim@oucs.UUCP (Tim Thompson) writes:
>
>In my own marriage, my wife and I try to share *everything* as equally as
>possible. We will be moving after I gradute this spring to who knows where,
>and we will be going there *together*.

	LOTS of people do THAT.  

>We discussed this in-depth *BEFORE*
>we got married, and if we could not have worked it out, we would not have
>got married. By the way, the reason we reached this decision is because
>my field of endeavor pays quite a bit more than her chosen field....
 
      he just happens to smugly mention.
	
	Who convinced her to major in basket weaving?
	Why don't you go punch him or her in the nose?
	Or was it you that encouraged her?
	Why don't you encourage her to go to law school
	or something?  Why don't you teach her to program?

	Or are you just going to sit back and LET her
	stay in a weak position relative to you
	by staying in a field that's low-demand?

	Great, then when push comes to shove, you 
	can remind her of how much money you make
	and how little she can make.  Sounds like
	male dominance to me.  Why did you pick
	someone like this anyway, Tim? Can't you
	handle anything stronger?
	
>However, if the opposite was true, I would have given up my career and
>followed her wherever she went. 

	Right.  You can smugly sit up there gloating over
	your conquest, the weak little girl who didn't major
	in the big-money field.  You, twinkling down from
	Parnassus, can throw up your hands and say, "Well,
	dear, we just have to do what I want to do, because I
	have more money --- but, of course I would do 
	the same for you."  

>I guess that's what love is all about.

	*sigh*!  How wonderful!  You get to pick the
	company you want to work for, the part of
	the country (or world, perhaps...how do I
	know how good you are?) you want to live
	in, and she gets to look for a job in
	a strange town.  Think rationally, will you, man?

>Another small addendum: Once we move, my wife will try to find employment,
>not just sit around the house and be "domestic", as you put it.

	So, Tim, what does she do?  What kind of work
	can she expect to find in anytown usa?
	Have you considered the repercussions it
	may have on your relationship if she wakes
	up one morning with the sneaking suspicion
	she's been had?  It doesn't take long when

>In a way, I feel sorry for you. I sincerely hope that someday you will
>find the love that my wife and I have. 

	I don't feel sorry for me.  I feel sorry for
	a couple of naive kids who don't know what 
	they're in for, who think they've "got it
	all worked out."  That "someday" you refer
	to is in the past.


>Maybe then some of you bitterness
>will be softened.

	You've had a lot of practice condescending
	to women haven't you?  Look, every hotshot
	undergrad in the country thinks he's going
	to bring his sweetie away with him and be
	the big married man, and in doing so, he
	is suddenly oh, so very wise and kind to
	his lady love by telling her he'll let her
	work, or he'll let her go to grad school.

	Every year another crop of them, lemmings all.
	There's just nothing you can say to them.