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From: rgale@man.UUCP (Ryan Gale)
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: Re: Career vs. Relationship?
Message-ID: <124@man.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 1-Feb-86 17:15:49 EST
Article-I.D.: man.124
Posted: Sat Feb  1 17:15:49 1986
Date-Received: Sun, 2-Feb-86 23:54:15 EST
References: <181@batcomputer.TN.CORNELL.EDU>
Distribution: na
Organization: Pacific Century Group Security Pacific Corp.
Lines: 56
Summary: double standards (so what else is new?)

In article <181@batcomputer.TN.CORNELL.EDU>, cheryl@batcomputer.TN.CORNELL.EDU (cheryl) writes:
> I think that it is beautiful and wonderful for a man to give up his
> independence, economic autonomy, career, and education for his woman.
> I do *not* think that women should do this.

Don't tell me; let me guess -- a man who feels this way about women is
being sexist, right?

> It is beneath a woman's 
> dignity to give up everything she stands for in the interests of an 
> harmonious domestic life.

Luckily, men's dignity is sufficiently low that this would not be beneath
theirs?


Having said that, let me return to the Real World -- where I agree with
you to a large extent.

When I first moved in with my wife [after living together for over eight
years, we finally decided 'what the hell'], she cooked and cleaned and the
house was well cared for and she was thoroughly subservient -- as it should
be, right?  Just what every man dreams of, right?  Wrong.  Underneath the
low esteem and politically-correct behavior was a gifted person who had
learned, years before, to keep her mouth shut and not give offense.

If I wanted a slave, I'd buy one.  While it may have been ironic that
a man was responsible for raising her consciousness, it was not altruistic.
I now have a peer partner who is noticably superior to me in many ways, and
is very interesting to be with.  The house is a mess (I hate housework as
much as she does), we fight/argue/discuss_loudly a lot more than we did then
(when she thinks she's right, she *won't* back down!), and there's a good
chance that we won't see our 10th anniversary because, as two independent
people, we have pursued our individual visions -- which would not have 
happened had she remained a mere camp follower, trudging along with me.

No, I'm not taking credit for her transformation -- she did that all by
herself.  I merely tried to show her that she could be something else,
something better, and allowed sufficient space/security/nurturing that
she could try.  What she became is nothing that I would have specified,
nothing that I *could* have specified.  It's likely that I'll lose her
as a direct result.  But that's OK, too -- even as merely a friend, she
will be much more important to me than would have been possible as a
zombied housefrau.  And I'm sure we'll stay friends, regardless.

> Whether a man is a wimp or not is irrelevant,
> except to other men.  What really matters is what he does for his
> woman.

What he does for his woman can significantly affect what she does for
him.  It's a two-way street, after all.

-- 

Ryan Gale 
{ihnp4, akgua, decvax} !sdcsvax!man!rgale