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From: moiram@tektronix.UUCP (Moira Mallison )
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: Re: Mid-Life Crisis (really relationships)
Message-ID: <6452@tektronix.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 3-Feb-86 13:58:00 EST
Article-I.D.: tektroni.6452
Posted: Mon Feb  3 13:58:00 1986
Date-Received: Tue, 4-Feb-86 00:46:53 EST
References: <481@ssc-vax.UUCP> <2340@reed.UUCP> <168@batcomputer.TN.CORNELL.EDU>
Reply-To: moiram@tektronix.UUCP (Moira Mallison )
Distribution: na
Organization: Tektronix, Inc., Beaverton, OR.
Lines: 41

In article <168@batcomputer.TN.CORNELL.EDU> cheryl@batcomputer.UUCP () writes:
>
>It's better than realizing at age 37 or so that your marriage is a 
>truly "silly" thing, and that, since you gave up your economic
>independence for this wonderful thing called love, that your're going
>to spend the rest of your life broke, divorced AND lonely.  If you
>opt for the job, you're only lonely.  A good career may not be enough
>for happiness, but throwing yourself away on some man isn't going to
>make you happy either.
>
>Cheryl

There's no reason why, at age 37, one must make *any* resignations as
to how the rest of her/his life is to be spent.  New careers can be
forged, new friendships made, etc.    My mother was left a widow 1.5
years ago, after 35 years of marriage.  She had worked outside the home
in a pink-collar job for the last fifteen years of the marriage, taking
a leave of absence to nurse my father through the final months of his
illness.   She was not left broke, but she certainly was bereft.

In rather rational fashion, she made no far-reaching decisions in the 
first year after his death.  Last fall, at age 58, she started back to
school to begin (as a freshman) work toward eventual graduate work in
her chosen field.  

When I finished my undergraduate degree shortly after Dad's death,
the following conversation took place.

Mom (talking to a 3rd party):  "oh, she's going on to grad school next.
She'll be the first female Ph.D. in the family."
Me: "What about having kids?"  (at age 33, it was time to start thinking
     seriously about this, if I was going to do it).
Mom: "I'll take care of the kids, while you go to school".

I reminded her of this conversation a couple months ago.  Her response
was that she had raised *her* family.  She wasn't going to live vicariously
through me anymore, and if I didn't get busy, *she* would be the first
female Ph.D. in the family!   Hooray for Mom! 

Moira Mallison
tektronix!moiram