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From: laneg@ulowell.UUCP (Dromio)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Chastity belt jokes
Message-ID: <211@ulowell.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 20-Feb-86 01:39:24 EST
Article-I.D.: ulowell.211
Posted: Thu Feb 20 01:39:24 1986
Date-Received: Fri, 21-Feb-86 05:41:55 EST
Reply-To: laneg@ulowell.UUCP (Dromio)
Organization: University of Lowell
Lines: 57

PLOP PLOP FIZZ FIZZ (relief for the poor line eater)

A certain English earl received word of a new Crusade, and decided to go
into the Holy Land to fight the heathen. So, he got his lands in order,
assigned lesser nobles to run his lands, and got his men all armed and ready
for battle.

Immediately before he left, he turned to his old, trusted steward.
"Phillip," he told him. "Of all my subjects, it is you that I trust the
most. I am leaving with you all my possesions, my gold, and my home; I know
that you will keep them well.  I am also leaving you this."

He handed the steward a small key.

"This is the key to my wife's chastity belt. If, God forbid, I am killed in
the Holy Land, and never return, I charge you to free my wife, that she
might marry again." And so the earl left.

As he and his troops were galloping of to meet the ship that would take them
to Palestine, the watchman at the end of the group cried: "Ho! A rider!"

The earl halted his troops, and they saw the rider, riding as though the
very devil was behind him. As he got nearer, he could see it was his
steward, shouting frantically at him. "Sire! Sire! Wrong key!"

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------------*

One day, the aged magician Merlin brought Arthur into his workshop to see
his latest invention.

"It is a chastity belt, your highness"

Arthur was not amused. "Are you mad, Merlin? That belt has a hole in it the
size of my arm!"

Merlin only smiled, and picked up a large carrot off the table. As he
started to insert it into the hole, a razor-sharp blade VSSHED out, slicing
off the it's top.

"Wonderful, Merlin! Now I can go to battle in complete security!" And so he
did.

After returning from battle, Arthur called together all of his knights for
an inspection, and told them all to drop their pants. As he walked up and
down the line, he saw that all of them had seriously slashed and bloodied
penis caps--all except Launcelot.

Impressed, Arthur brought Launcelot to the front of the room, and spoke to
his knights. "Of you all," he told them. "Only Launcelot was able to resist
temptation. Launcelot! Tell us how you resisted!"

Launcelot stood before the crowd. "Thh mnd thve blhnn!"

*-----------------------------------------------------------------------------*


				A lesser Power of Darkness