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Path: utzoo!utcsri!greg
From: greg@utcsri.UUCP (Gregory Smith)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Travelling Salesman joke, etc.
Message-ID: <2236@utcsri.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 27-Feb-86 22:32:23 EST
Article-I.D.: utcsri.2236
Posted: Thu Feb 27 22:32:23 1986
Date-Received: Thu, 27-Feb-86 22:49:23 EST
References: <307@telesoft.UUCP> <180@winston.UUCP> <820@alberta.UUCP>
Reply-To: greg@utcsri.UUCP (Gregory Smith)
Organization: CSRI, University of Toronto
Lines: 85
Summary: 

[ ceremonial offering to the great line-eater... ]

The following two jokes were stolen from Dave Allen at Large, a British
comedy show. I don't know where Dave stole them from :-)  .

----------- Travelling Salesmen Joke --------------

It seems there were these two travelling salesmen, Joe and Fred, who
were travelling together by car in a rural area. Late one night, they
found themselves far from a hotel, and so they stopped at a farmhouse.
A pretty young woman answered the door, and said, yes, they could spend
the night, but one of them would have to sleep on the sofa, and the other
could have the guest bed. So they tossed a coin, and Fred got the sofa.

Soon after, they parted company and they did not see other until about
nine months later. Fred walked into a bar, and seeing his old buddy Joe,
sat down to have a beer and talk with him.

"Say, Joe, remember when we stopped for the night at that farmhouse?"

"Oh, sure, I rememember that."

"Remember how we tossed coins, and I slept on the sofa, and you got the
guest bed?"

"Yeah. Why do you ask?"

"Well, you didn't happen to get up in the middle of the night and pay a
visit to that nice young woman, did you?"

"Well actually, uh, I seem to remember, uh, yeah, Fred, I did."

"And, by any chance, did you happen to make love to her?"

"Yes, I guess I did do that..."

"AND did you happen to give her MY name and address, by any chance?"

"Errr... well if you say so.. I don't really remember... I suppose I did."

"Well, Joe ole buddy, thanks a lot, and have another beer on me. You
see she passed away last month and left me fifty thousand dollars in her
will."

---------------------------------------------------------

There was a man who had a terrible drinking problem, and his wife
was worried sick about him, so she discussed the problem with her
doctor.  He said "Well, I have an idea"

"What we'll do is we'll wait till he comes home and passes out again,
and then set things up so that when he comes to he'll think he's died
and gone to purgatory".
"If he thinks he's died from his drinking, and is being punished, he'll be
terrified; and then when he finds out it's not true, he'll be so relieved
that he'll give up the bottle for good".

So the next day, the man came home and passed out again. The woman called
the doctor, and he came over, and they draped the room with white sheets,
and the doctor put on a white robe, and they put some appropriate 
background music on the stereo ( probably something from Wagner ).
Then they sat and waited for him to wake up. Eventually he awoke and
started rubbing his eyes:

"Where am I?  Where the hell am I?"

Doctor: "Almost, but you were lucky. You see, you are in purgatory, where
you will spend two thousand years in payment for your sins."

Drunk: "You're kidding! I have to spend two thousand years here?"

Doctor: "Yes. I've been here twelve hundred years, myself."

Drunk: "Twelve hundred years. That's a long time. I guess you must know
your way around pretty good."

Doctor: "Yes, I guess I do."

Drunk: "Well tell me where a fellow could get a drink, then."

------------------------------------------------------
The opinions expressed herein are meaningless.
-- 
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Greg Smith     University of Toronto       ..!decvax!utzoo!utcsri!greg