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From: schuster@Shasta.ARPA (Jay Schuster)
Newsgroups: net.motss
Subject: Re: Gays and stereotypes. (A relativly young perspective)
Message-ID: <98@Shasta.ARPA>
Date: Tue, 18-Feb-86 21:14:59 EST
Article-I.D.: Shasta.98
Posted: Tue Feb 18 21:14:59 1986
Date-Received: Thu, 20-Feb-86 00:14:25 EST
References: <83@mit-amt.MIT.EDU> <3234@sun.uucp> <86@mit-amt.MIT.EDU> <722@harvard.UUCP>
Reply-To: schuster@Shasta.UUCP (Jay Schuster)
Distribution: net
Organization: Stanford University
Lines: 53
Keywords: diversity, acceptance

In article <722@harvard.UUCP> lo@harvard.UUCP (Bert S.F. Lo) writes:
>gerber@mit-amt.MIT.EDU (Andrew S. Gerber) writes:
>> blueskye@sun.uucp (Tim Ryan) writes:
>> > gerber@mit-amt.MIT.EDU (Andrew S. Gerber) writes
>> > > [comments about effeminate gay men]
>> > [comments about diversity]
>> [comments about gay men acting effeminate because stereotypes say that they
>>  are]
> [comments about how "adopting" effiminism can be perceived as sexist]

Before more people dump on this guy (Andrew Gerber), I'd like everyone
to keep in mind that it is VERY ovious that he is new to the gay male
community.  We all agree that diversity is our strength, and that we
shouldn't retain the xenophobia that is associated with the
society-at-large.  Maybe once upon a time it was a survival trait;
thankfully that's not true anymore.

Before we all dump on Andrew, think back to what you thought about
other gay men (stereotypes), before you figured out that what society
taught you was a bunch of crap.  And if you never had to endure Small
Town Homophobia, because there was a GLYNY or a BAGLY where you grew up
or otherwise, be very glad of that.

When I first came out in high school, I had a lot of the same attitudes
(misconceptions) that Andrew seems to have.  I had them mostly because
I grew up in Small Town America (Vermont) and had never known any other
gay men.  So I formed my own little view of the world.  To make myself
acceptable with my straight (and prejudiced) friends, and realizing
that I didn't fit any of the stereotypes that I knew of, I did some
dumping on the stereotypes.

Well, I know I was wrong, but I also know that if I had had to maintain
my self esteem with no support whatsoever from the friends that I had,
I would have ended up much more messed up than I did.  I was not secure
enough to set out on my own to find gay friends, I was underage, and I
was living in a state (an entire state) that had only one gay bar, and
even that was constantly closing and opening under new management.  It
is about seven years later now, and I know better.

"Effeminate" is a bad word to describe what Andrew (and everybody else)
means.  We all know that if a woman acted "effeminate" we'd all think
she was a drag queen.

When I was in high school, a friend of mine met my lover, who had been
out longer than I and was much less uptight about being camp than I.
The friend asked my lover why he acted so much like a girl.  Just then
three pieces of blonde female fluff walked by, tittering among
themselves.  My lover exclaimed "I act like that?!"  It showed that
what my friend was calling effeminate was not at all feminine, it was
just different.  He is still freaked out to this day, and we have a
hard time communicating now.

Jay Schuster ...!decwrl!shasta!schuster schuster@su-pescadero.arpa