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From: mat@mtx5a.UUCP (m.terribile)
Newsgroups: net.women,net.singles
Subject: Re: Dressing less accordingly?
Message-ID: <1190@mtx5a.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 14-Feb-86 20:42:29 EST
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Posted: Fri Feb 14 20:42:29 1986
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> >> Imagine you are are very attractive and
> >> dress accordingly. You are on the beach to get some sun and relax.
> >> 
> >I would feel like dressing less accordingly.
> 
> 		. . .  I dress to please myself, suit the season, and
> delight my companions IN THAT ORDER.  Note that sending allegedly
> clear signals to "perfect and preferably" strangers isn't even on the
> list.  That's what my mouth is for -- why lay the job on my wardrobe?
> . . . 
> Seriously, this "women who dress like that are asking for it" argument
> is just silly.  
> 
> Silly?  Yup.
> 

	Unfortunately, it's not.  In this culture men and women are brought up
to different norms.  Not ``I wanna be a fireman''/``I wanna be a nurse'' but
``I dress for myself''/``I dress for others''.

	I cannot understand why women dress the way they do, often wearing
shoes, for example, that are both uncomfortable and damaging, and then say
that they are doing it because it makes THEM feel good.  I KNOW it's true;
they are not lying.  But it is so contrary to my experience that I cannot
get my gut to believe it.

	I am actually revolted by the thought of dressing to bolster
my self-worth.  Others, perhaps, are merely embarassed by it ... or
humiliated.  Not all men feel this way, but I'd bet a sizeable sum
that most men who dress well do it for others.  And that many, like me,
can believe in their head that women dress first for women and third or
fourth for men, but cannot believe it in their gut, where it really matters
day-to-day.

	Remember also that in large segments of our society, men STILL have
to initiate social contact with women.  They've been taught, by role model
and by feedback, that this is what they are to do.  Many (most?) are not
inclined to analyze themselves or their situations to see what is really
happening.

	Finally, some women worsen matters by encouraging the jerks.  I knew
one who got her work done by pretending that she couldn't and purring ``Oh,
you're so smart'' as some man at the firm did it for her.  I felt real sorry
for her, but when she came to me and started to purr, I told her quietly
``Alice, I don't play that game''  I never saw her in my office again.  Pity.
I would rather have friends than enemies.  And I would rather have her as a
friend than as a sort of a low-grade prostitute.  But that was the only
relationship that she could see having with a male colleague.
-- 

	from Mole End			Mark Terribile
		(scrape .. dig )	mtx5b!mat
					(Please mail to mtx5b!mat, NOT mtx5a!
						mat, or to mtx5a!mtx5b!mat)
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